★𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑺𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒌𝒔 𝑭𝒍𝒚 ༄ 𝑲𝒂𝒛 𝑩𝒓𝒆𝒌𝒌𝒆𝒓★

21: Fear

"Cause you got me
And I got you
Right here"
-Royal Blood-

"I've never met a Saint before," remarked Inej.

We sat around a crackling fire. The only survivors were the Crows, a Squaller, Alina Starkov and Mal Oretsev.  Oh, and me, of course.

"I've never been a Saint before," smiled Alina.

"Wherever you are, whatever you need; my hand is yours," said Inej.

I had fashioned a splint for my ankle with the help of Mal, who had some knowledge in first aid.

I gazed into the fire, sleep weighing me down.

"I like that hand with a dagger in it," Alina handed Inej her knife. "You couldn't hold on to yours, so take mine as a replacement. It's not much, but it'll fend off a bully or two."

Inej took it gratefully. "I know just what to name it,"

"Step one for any good plan, a change of clothes," Jesper handed Mal and Alina fresh garments. "It's worked for me, here,"

"Thank you,"

He and Alina disappeared to change.

"What type of Grisha are you?" piped up the Squaller.

I looked at her, extending my hand. Unsurely, she shook it, eyes widening.

I grinned. "Adelaide Kübrik, at your service. I wield the Kügelblitz; ball 'o' lightning,"

"I've never met a..." she trailed off.

"A Kübrik. And no, you won't have- I'm the only one left,"

I promptly left out the part where I killed my parents, and inadvertently killed my brother too.

She nodded slowly. "Oh, okay."

Alina and Mal returned. We stood, Kaz wrapping his arm around my waist to steady me. I gave him a quick smile in thanks.

"So, will you be trying to kidnap me?" she asked.

"'Course not," shrugged Jesper.

Kaz arched his brow. "Have you found religion, too?"

"No, it's just... I'm exhausted," Jesper sighed. "Besides, it'd be bad to kidnap someone after they saved your life,"

My lips drew into a frown as I glanced at Inej. Bad, but any worse than the consequences if we don't?

Kaz adjusted his arm around my waist, looking to Alina. "You are quite valuable, you know?" he said.

Alina Starkov took a step toward us. "So is this," she pulled a jewellery piece that had previously been in her hair.

My eyes widened. "That was in a painting of some crummy old queen in the Little Palace," I remarked.

"It's not a gift," explained the Sun Summoner. "It's to keep quiet about who I am, where I go from here."

Kaz took the piece, before handing it to me. I slipped it in my pocket.

He shook Alina's hand with his spare one. "The deal is the deal,"

Alina nodded, stepping toward the fire. She dropped her Kefta into it.

It began to wither and burn.

"I didn't expect it to burn at all; but it can be destroyed in the end," Mal's words met not just the meaning at his feet, but echoed that of another.

I sighed, moving Kaz's arm so I could hold his hand. "Everything will burn in the end, Oretsev."

It had been a painful day of trekking to Os Kervo. My ankle screamed, Kaz lending me his cane until I found an appropriate tree branch to suffice.

The morning air filled out lungs as we entered the docks.

"Os Kervo! Docked at Os Kervo! On to Ketterdam next!" hollered at sailor.

We boarded. Alina and Mal separated themselves from us. The Squaller, Zoya, had left us in Novokribirsk, searching for her family.

As the others talked, I stood at the gunwales. I breathed in the salty air, gazing across the blue abyss.

Tears brimmed in my eyes.

Was I going home?

The Mortality didn't feel like home anymore, I thought as I gazed at my tattoo.

Even dear Theo, my best friend, felt estranged after all I'd gone through without him.

"What are you thinking about?"

I glanced at Kaz, wiping the tears from my cheeks with a smile.

"Oh, nothing,"

We didn't make eye contact, staring at the vast waters.

I sniffed, pursing my lips. "Well, I suppose I was thinking about something,"

"And what was that?" asked Kaz softly.

"My future. What we're about to walk into when we get to Ketterdam." I sighed.

Kaz paused, his voice barely a whisper. "Are you scared?"

I rested my forearms on the gunwale. "I am. I've never been so fearful of the future," I uttered.

He let out a long sigh. "When we lost our brothers," he whispered, leaning close to me so only I could hear. "It felt like that. That uncertainty. We were alone. But we're not alone anymore,"

I met his gaze, a smile breaking across my lips. "I want to be a Crow, if you'll have me?..." I bit back a tear. "I never want to be alone again,"

Sparks danced as we embraced. Kaz spoke in to my ear. "I promise, we'll have each other."

I buried my head in his shoulder as tears rolled down my cheeks.

"Thank you, Kaz Brekker."