Her Touch ~Tomura Shigaraki x OC AU~

Chapter 13: Grease

Illika

"Well, it's your last night in the ICU."

Toga smiles, passing me a cup of hot tea. I take it, feeling the heat pulsate against my palm. I blow on it and the steam swirls.

"How do you feel about that?" she continues, claiming the seat next to my bed. "Bet you're excited."

To be honest, I don't really know how to feel. On one hand, I'm grateful to finally be able to lay my head down in my own bed again. Though the ICU bed has been nice, it still isn't the same as an actual bedroom bed. It's not as inviting, and in turn, not as comfortable. At least, not to me. And on the other hand, I am anxious. I don't particularly know why I feel anxious. There is no logical reason. Both of the Nakamura brothers are dead, so it's not as if one of them can snatch me away again.

Maybe that's it. Maybe there's some irrational part of me that is afraid another Re-Destro loyalist will rise up and try the same stunt, stealing me away to some underground hideout. And if they did that... Would they try to do the same thing as Asahi?

I shudder.

Then again, maybe I'm just overthinking. It wouldn't be the first time. My thoughts being haunted by Akihiko and Asahi. It seems every time I close my eyes it's as if I can see one of them glaring at me. Maybe I'm afraid I'll see their ghosts in my room.

I shrug. "Yeah."

Toga sits, her sharp stare observing me for a beat, then: "Why don't you seem excited, then?"

I don't think I can tell her. This irrational fear. It's stupid, really. I'm sure she'd laugh. I would.

"Just tired." It's a lie, but it's also the truth. I am tired. So very, very tired. "I just need proper rest in my actual bed, ya know?"

She observes me, probably trying to figure out if she believes me, then: "Don't lie, Illie. Lying makes you ugly." She leans close, resting her elbows on my mattress. "What's wrong? Something is bothering you. I can tell."

Damn her. This girl and her observation skills can sometimes be hell to deal with.

I inhale sharply, then sigh. "It's nothing. Really."

"Illie." She raises her brows.

"Really. I mean, it's stupid. Don't worry –"

"Illika." Her voice is strong and warning.

My heart sinks into my stomach. I really didn't want to say anything. It is stupid. Asahi and Akihiko can't do anything. They are dead. Dead men can't hurt anyone. And yet, even with knowing that, I still feel this hollowness.

I chew my bottom lip, then sigh in defeat. "Fine. I guess... This is so stupid." I meet her eyes. "I'm nervous that something else will happen."

Even as those words fall from my lips, I feel ashamed. Ashamed and just plain embarrassed.

Toga scans me, her eyes searching, then a certain softness falls over her expression. She reaches over, gently squeezing my hand. "Are you afraid someone else will hurt you?"

There is suddenly a lump in my throat. I swallow it. "More or less."

"No one is going to hurt you," she smiles warmly. "No one – none of us in the League – would let 'em. And besides, Shigaraki has made an example out of the twins. If anyone tries anything, there won't be any mercy."

I want to believe that. Really, I do. However, if he cared as much as everyone has been hinting at, then why haven't I seen him? For two weeks I've been in this unit, and not once in those two weeks has he come to see me. And I've waited and hoped he would. After that day Jin snuck me to his room, I thought that maybe everything was okay between us. That maybe we could go back. But he has remained absent.

"I don't know," I say, squeezing my hands into fists. "I can't seem to get them out of my head. It's...it's like every time I close my eyes it's as if I can feel them glaring at me. Maybe even... Never mind. It's all stupid, anyway."

She observes me, her brows knitted. "Illie...it's not stupid. How can you even think that?" She moves, sitting on the bed next to me. "This could be PTSD. How long have you felt this way?"

Ever since I woke up, is what I want to say. But I've been in the safety and watchful eyes of the ICU for the last two weeks. Which has helped a bit in easing my anxiety, but to be released to my own room again, with no security... It worries me.

I shake my head. "I thought I was stronger than this. After Dr. Garaki told me everything was fine, I thought I could just get over it all. I thought... I thought that maybe it'd just go away." Tears are pricking the edges of my eyes. Why? "I hate this. I hate this so fucking much. I feel weak and helpless." My voice sounds croaky. "When I was there... Whenever Asahi was near me... I don't remember much. I can't remember what all he did, but Dr. Garaki assures me nothing happened, but it's as if I can still feel him. It's like this greasy film all over my skin. His hands...his fingers touching and groping me. I... I feel that. And...it's as if their ghosts are haunting my mind."

This confession brings two different feelings. I'm relieved, a load taken off my shoulders at admitting this. To have it freed from my chest. However, at the same time, I also feel helpless and weak – two feelings I am not particularly fond of. Sickening and bitter. And it pisses me off.

Toga just wraps her arms around me and pulls me close. "Illie... I... You..." She's struggling for words. "I'll sage your room for you if it keeps that creepy bastard away."

And I find myself laughing through the tears.

**Ello, ello lovelies! A cute...ish chapter between Toga and Illika. Illika was strong right there. She admitted what she's feeling, which is a big deal given what she's been through. Any idea where this will go? Stay tuned to find out! So, many moons ago I started reading The It Girl by Ruth Ware. Well, as much as I adore Ruth Ware, I'm not much of a third-person POV lover, and this book is that, so I kind of stopped for a while. However, I picked it up again and have decided if I want to read any of my new books, I need to finish this one first. Y'all, the story is rolling now. Shit is happening and I'm obsessed. I look forward to seeing what happens to all the characters and finding out who really killed April Clarke-Cliveden. After that, I'll read Haunting Adeline by H.D. Carlton. That said, I'm a slow reader lol. We'll get there when we get there. Anyways, enough rambling. Thank y'all so, so much for all the love and support! Y'all are amazeballs! Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross