Her Touch ~Tomura Shigaraki x OC AU~

Chapter 21: Ugly Tears

Illika

That night, Asahi haunts my dreams.

Again.

Just like the night before, and the night before that. And the night before that night. And the night before that one, too. So on, and so on, and so on.

Every time, I wake, gasping with this heavy weight on my chest and sweat on my brow. Darkness surrounds – every time – leaving me in the black veil of night. I can only ever make out a few shapes, but deep in my heart of hearts, I know I'm safe.

They're dead. Akihiko and Asahi are both dead. Neither can hurt me. Neither can touch me. Even if they are ghosts lingering over my shoulder, they can't do anything.

That is the little mantra I have to keep singing. That is what I have to keep telling myself. Over and over again, repeatedly, but it never seems to really work.

So, instead, I splash some cold water on my face, watching the little beads roll down my cheeks. They drip, falling back into the sink. And I take a hard look at myself.

Honestly, I look like shit. My eyes are red and puffy with dark circles under them, and my skin looks way paler than it did before. And have my cheekbones ever been that noticeable? I must have lost a bit of weight.

Then there's the skin on my lips. Stringy and flakey patches from having picked and chewed my lips repeatedly. More than the norm for me. And the skin around my nailbeds isn't much better. They're just as fucked up from picking and chewing.

I once heard that a person who picks and chews the skin around their nails does it out of anxiety. Like a little tick or quirky coping mechanism. I can honestly say I never really paid much mind if I did it. Not until recent days. And I guess I do it a lot. Enough to have made a few of my fingers bleed a few times.

That's never fun. It always stings and burns, but I also always end up ignoring it.

Just like how I'll keep ignoring these dreams. Eventually, my mind will fix itself. Eventually, I won't think that every movement out of the corner of my eye is Asahi or Akihiko. Eventually, their ghosts will evaporate, and they won't be haunting me anymore. I just have to power through this.

Another droplet falls and I shiver. My eyes burn and my shoulders feel heavy.

I glimpse at my left arm, the hand numbly gripping the edge of the counter. The scars are what catch my attention. Still angry little lines. Well, maybe not little. They are long and large. The entire length of my arm. Each is numb and unforgivingly pink.

Reminders of what happened that day.

It was an accident. I know it was. He didn't mean for it to happen. He reacted on instinct. He didn't know it was me running up behind him. I probably shouldn't have done that. But I did, and I startled him, and he reacted accordingly as a man who wears a target on his back.

And yet...I can live with these scars. I don't mind them. I don't even mind the numbness. If I regain some sensation, then I regain it. If not, then okay. I'll adapt.

But this hole in my chest...

That is different. This hollowness cannot be filled by the nothingness of time. It cannot be glossed over or forgotten. It is there and it is brutally raw. Like a fresh tear that is sensitive to the wind flapping through it. A precious ache that throbs.

And I know – I know – that I shouldn't care. I shouldn't give two shits about this. About him. I shouldn't. I am aware of that. But just as that tear in my heart flaps in the wind...

A tear rolls down my cheek.

**Hello, lovelies! Wow. Illika is going through it. Her body is still healing. Her mind is still traumatized. And her heart is breaking. Poor girl. Getting kicked in every aspect, huh? Kinda feel bad for her. Kinda. Oh, so I'm still accepting questions for the Q&A! If you've already submitted a question (whether in this book or one of the other two) or plan to, please message them to me directly! I get a lot of notifications in a single day, so it isn't impossible for me to accidentally miss some. So, please submit any future (and/or resubmit previous questions) via message! Thank you in advance! Also, thank you so, so much for all the love! Y'all are the bee's knees! Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross