Her Touch ~Tomura Shigaraki x OC AU~

Chapter 27: Broken Won't Look Broken

Illika

Maybe I am broken.

Maybe I am some shattered little reminiscence of myself. Maybe there truly is a long stretch of PTSD that I will have to battle. And maybe – just maybe – I will never be the same Illika I was before.

And maybe at some point, I'll be okay with that. Maybe I'll adapt and adjust. Maybe I'll move on and stop living in what happened when I was held hostage in that decrepit building, unable to open my eyes or fight back, or even scream for help. Maybe I'll learn to be okay.

And then again, maybe I won't be okay. Maybe I'll always battle this. Maybe I'll have these nightmares for the rest of my life. Maybe panic and fear will always grip my chest whenever a shadow moves out of the corners of my eyes.

But then again, isn't that how he's been living? Battling his own demons all alone. Hiding his pain and shouldering his suffering by himself. Staying up all night to avoid sleeping so that he doesn't have to relive the bad that happened to him. Hurting and suffering.

That is how he has been surviving over these last – almost – two decades. Burying the pain, and forgetting what happened to him.

The abuse he suffered at the hands of his father. The man who was supposed to protect and guide him. The failure of his mother or grandparents to protect him properly. The people who were supposed to have his best interest at heart. Then, the accidental murders of his sister, mother, and grandparents. How he never meant for that to happen.

Then, the intentional killing of his father. How a small boy got his revenge, freeing himself from the suffering he endured.

And on that night, so many years ago, that small boy walked away, abandoning behind the version of himself that still held innocence.

Leaving behind Tenko Shimura.

That is how he has been surviving. That is how he has been making it day by day. That is how he has walked his life.

And though he still fights those demons and battles his own unseen hell, he still pulls it off. He still functions, and I aspire to be like that one day. To at least walk in my own hell with elegance, fooling all into believing I am fine. Even if only for a moment.

And maybe my broken won't look so broken anymore.

**Ello lovelies! So, a little short chapter today with a look into Illika's head. She acknowledges she has a long road ahead of her but expresses admiration for Shiggy for handling himself after everything he's been through. Now, reminder: obviously Illika is on the villain side with her mentality, so of course she thinks he's doing great. However, IRL, remember that someone who does bad things, though maybe hurting, themselves, is still a person who chooses to hurt others (or do whatever bad thing they do). We do not reward toxic behavior! Sorry. Just had to reiterate that. Lol being the one writing this story, I didn't want y'all to think that I condone any of this because I really don't. Remember, y'all deserve love, respect, and for your boundaries to be honored! Remember that! And remember that y'all are awesome sauce! I'll see y'all in the next chapter! Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross