Her Touch ~Tomura Shigaraki x OC AU~

Chapter 24: Heartache Pt 2

Illika

"I've hid because I'm afraid of hurting you again."

His voice breaks through the silence and rolls through my ears, causing me to turn. My heart beats fast, the blood swooshing through the vessels in my ears.

He stands, his eyes on me and his shoulders rising and falling quickly, yet irregularly regular. He balls his hands into fists, swallowing.

"Don't you get it?" he asks. His eyes – those beautiful crimson eyes – are on mine. "I've been avoiding you because I'm terrified that I'll hurt you again. And I...I can't do that. I can't do that again. I can't be the reason you're hurt." His eyes drift to my arm and linger. "I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you again because of me. I...I just can't."

My heart leaps. At least a little. It's like a tiny jolt and hop, but it's still there. It's like a beacon of hope. Maybe. But I need more. I need to know why he's saying what he is. I need that.

I need this.

I shake my head. "Can't what, Tomura? Talk to me. Tell me. What made you suddenly so afraid to face me? Because that's what you've been doing, isn't it? Avoiding me. Hiding away in the shadows. Clearly not giving a damn about me or my feelings because if you did, you wouldn't have avoided me like this. Like I'm some stranger. Like you have no idea who I am. For fuck's sake, Tomura. We've had sex! So many times! You've seen every part of my body and I –"

I stop. I stop because what I want to say – to shout – is that I have seen every part of him. I've seen him in his own nakedness. Those scars on his body... I have seen and touched them now. My fingers have traced over their braille presence. And deep down, I know no one else has ever done that. He never let them.

But then I think beyond that. To the memory, I accidentally saw. That scene of a young boy screaming and crying, with no one running to rescue him.

I saw that too, and I know that he has never allowed anyone else to see that part of him. The broken and beaten boy that he once was. The broken and beaten boy that he had to leave behind so that he could become this. The cold and harsh Tomura known today.

But he is not cold or harsh. He may appear that way, but it is a façade. Below the surface – deep under that cracked ice – still beats the heart of a boy who was broken and beaten beyond repair.

And I know that. I see that. I understand that. But the anger in my chest still hums, like breathing embers.

"I've seen you," I finally say, my tone low and wavering. "I've seen every bit of you. Touched you...held you. And I did see things I shouldn't have, but I wasn't trying to. I don't know what happened that day, or how my quirk activated without my will, but it did, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I saw something I had no business seeing, but dammit, Tomura... You keep placing this distance between us and it's driving me insane."

"Have you not been listening?" He flexes his jaw, his eyes on mine again. "Don't you get it? I've had to do this. I've had to put distance between us! I can't risk hurting you again!"

"But why?" I burst. Tears are pricking my eyes. "Why do you have to do that?"

"Because I love you, damn it!"