Her Touch ~Tomura Shigaraki x OC AU~

Chapter 16: Eyes Open

Illika

My eyes flutter open.

And the room is flooded with the golden glow of morning, painting the walls in warm hues. They flicker and dance through the open blinds, casting shadows.

At first, my thoughts are jumbled and weighted, still groggy from my sleep, but then I remember who I woke up and saw last night. So, I jolt, looking to my side, expecting to see him. But he is not there.

The space he had been hunched over in last night is empty, and he is nowhere to be seen, and I almost wonder if I made it all up.

***

"Voila!" Toga beams, pushing open the door to my room.

To my actual room. The room I have been calling mine for the last – almost – nine months. Is summer really starting to trickle down to its last few weeks? It hardly feels real. I mean, in just three months it will be a year since I arrived here.

Wow. That feels weird to think. That it's been almost a year. And to think, this room was meant to act as my cell. My prison for being the little foreign girl, but now... Now, it brings this strange sense of comfort.

My bed is as it was before, made up with overstuffed blankets and pillows. The dresser and nightstand still stand, each still loaded with my personal belongings. All familiar and known, but there is also something new. Well, some things that are new.

On the dresser sits a few lit candles – none of which were there before – with their little flames flickering. The aroma of a robust woodsy scent lingers. Maybe teak or mahogany, with a dash of sage. Bitter, yet oddly sweet and relaxing. I like it.

But that's not all.

On the nightstand, standing tall in a leaded glass vase is a wild and untamed bouquet of what appears to be freshly cut sunflowers with dabbles of lavender and some little specks of white blooms. I'm no florist, so I can't be sure what they are, but they are cute and go nicely with the lavender. But the sunflowers? It's almost as if they were an afterthought. Still pretty and impressive, but almost too drastically different from the rest of the bouquet.

Still, it is a nice arrangement and looks monstrous on my nightstand, so I can appreciate the gesture.

I walk into the room, grazing my fingertips along the soft petals of the sunflowers. "These are pretty. Thank you."

"Hmm? For what?" Toga comes closer, looking at the bouquet. "Oh. No, those aren't from me. Jin and I got the candles, but I don't know where the flowers came from." She starts to pull the decorative throw pillows off my bed and pulls a corner of the duvet back, patting the sheet. "Don't worry, though. It was most likely Compress. You know how he is. All gentlemanly and all. You can thank him later. For now, put your ass here. You still need more rest."

I drop my hand from the flowers and sigh. I feel like all I've done is rest. Sit in bed. Rest. Sit in a chair. Rest. Lay in bed. Rest. Rest, rest, rest. I'm being driven mad with rest. And though I know her intentions are pure, I might go crazy if I'm told to rest one more time.

"Thanks," I say, "for the candles and for all the help you've been. Really, I appreciate it all, but...I think I want to soak for a bit. It feels like it's been forever since I've last done that. But don't worry. Right after, I'll plant myself in bed."

A lie. At least, a small one. I won't leave my room and explore the halls, but I won't be resting in that bed anytime soon. Not until my body absolutely demands it. I'll probably read a book or something. Anything to busy my mind.

Toga observes me for several moments, scanning as if she's searching for the lie, but I guess she can't find it because she smiles. "Okay. I'll give ya some privacy. Just text or call if you need anything. Okay?"

"I will."

She looks at me a while longer, then gives me a great hug, surprising me. Over these last – almost – nine months, we have grown close. Toga, Twice, and I. Like three peas in a single pod, a friendship has blossomed. And at first, Toga was cold toward me. She didn't trust me and was very hesitant. They all were, but so much has changed since then. So much.

Though it took time, I feel as though I am a part of their unit. Not just Twice's and Toga's, but the entire League as a whole. I mean, they came to save me for fuck's sake. Would they have risked it all if they didn't value me in some kind of way? I doubt it.

I give her a tight squeeze and eventually, she pulls away, smiles, and turns, leaving and closing the door behind her. And just like that, silence ensues.

***

Hot water laps at my shoulders and chest as I lean back, allowing the warmth to engulf me. Steam swirls through the air, fogging the mirror as it clings to my cheeks and nose, making my skin sticky.

I was right in making the decision to do this. As the hot water swaddles me, the aching and tension in my tight muscles start to dissolve, relaxing, though i keep my wrapped left arm on the side of the tub. In the water, I can still see some of the bruises. Most have begun to fade to light grayish green, but at least they're not tender to the touch. Not anymore, anyway.

I gently splash some of the water up onto my shoulder and sink lower. When was the last time I did this? Took a nice, warm soak? At the very least three weeks, maybe more. I don't know. All I do know is that this is exactly what I needed.

But I know that's a lie.

A little soak in some hot water can't fix all my problems. Sure, I'm back and the twins are dead, but even I know better. What happened there...whatever Asahi did or didn't do...or almost did...still haunts me. It still crawls like shadows in my head, creeping and crawling.

I told Dr. Garaki I'd be fine. That I don't need therapy or counseling. That there was nothing to get over, but maybe Toga is right. Maybe there are some signs that point to PTSD. Maybe...

I shake my head. What am I thinking? PTSD? That's absurd. The last thing I need to do is to self-diagnose myself with post-traumatic stress disorder just because of a few little symptoms. And even if I do have it...

I'll be fine. I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine. I just have to suck it up and get over it all. Just power through it. I am strong and resilient. I know I am.

But I still can't bring myself to close my eyes.

**Ello, ello lovelies! A little of a...whatever kinda chapter that was. It was a little everywhere, wasn't it? Don't worry! We're gonna get some actual Shiggy content soon. Be patient my grasshoppers. That said, what are y'all thinking? Seems Illika is still struggling, huh? So, I've put myself on a book (purchasing) ban until I finish my current TBR list. Now, will I stay strict on that? Well, stay tuned to find out lol. Aside from my shitty fanfic here, what do you enjoy reading? I love thrillers and suspense but have opened up more to dark romance as well. Feel free to let me know! As per usual, thank y'all so, so much for all the support! Y'all are the bee's knees! Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross