Love in Ireland

/30/

-Friday December 29th-

It has been four days since Christmas. And well, I've kind of been trying to avoid Declan. I've mostly been working on making the suits and ball gowns for Declan's birthday party/ball. And when I'm not, I'm hanging out with Alannah or my family. I spent most of yesterday in my paint studio with my grandpa.

After the whole realization that I liked Declan much more than I thought and it's not just some crush that can go away, I've been scared. I really want to take risks and see what could happen. But I also don't want to get my heartbroken. And that's what is more likely to happen.

"Hey Milena." Declan said from the doorway of my studio.

"Hey Declan? Do you need something?" I asked, looking up from the dress I'm working on.

Declan shook his head. "No. You've just been busy the last few days, and I wanted to stop by and talk to you for a little. Is that okay?"

"Oh. Yeah, that's fine." So much for trying to avoid him till my feelings subside.

"You okay?" Declan asked. "You've seemed kind of down this past week."

I am most certainly not okay. After Christmas, I've been getting more texts from multiple numbers. I've come to the conclusion that it's either one person using a bunch of fake numbers or multiple people have found my number and have decided to send me messages. And the texts have just been getting worse. They still send texts about how I'll never be loved and Declan doesn't actually like me, but they've started to send other things. And usually I can take it and let it roll off my back, but there are only so many bad comments and so much hate that one person can handle. Because on top of that, the media always has something to say and the nobles have things to say as well.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I lied. "Just busy and tired."

"You sure?" Declan asked, looking at me. His eyebrows knitted together and concern was written all over his face. "You would tell someone if you weren't okay, right?"

"Yes. I'm okay. And yes, I would tell someone." Lie. Lie. I would definitely not tell anyone.

There are only so many of my problems I can dump on people. Alannah has already had to listen to me freak out over my feelings for Declan. And I love that she's trying to help me. So I don't want to dump everything else on her. And I would tell Declan I'm not okay, but I'm afraid that I'll say something and end up confessing my feelings, and I don't want to bother him. My mom has enough going on and I don't want to bother her with my drama. So I'm just going to ride this out and suffer in silence.

Sadly, I don't think that this will stop after Declan and I fake a break up. And part of me still has a small bit of hope that Declan feels the same way about me. All of Alannah's lectures have been getting to me. And I'm trying not to keep my hopes up because I'm almost 99.9% sure that we're still going to fake break up at the beginning of March and go back to being just friends. And I think either way I'll get my heart broken. Because if I tell him my feelings and he says we're just friends, then it'll probably break my heart. And if I never tell him and we fake break up, then I'll probably beta myself about wondering what could have happened, just like Alannah lectured me about.

"You sure?" Declan asked, "The press isn't bothering you too much, are they?" One thing about Declan is that he cares too much. So if he thinks something is wrong or you're lying, he won't change the subject until he gets a semi decent answer.

"I mean, not more than usual." I shrugged. That was partly true.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. The press likes to write stuff about me when I was just friends with Alannah. They just suck." I said.