The Day You Saved Me

12.

You were no stranger to grief, in fact, you were all too familiar with it. But waking up to this reality was extremely painful, the world around you seems distant, everything seemed muted and lifeless, just like you. The weight on your chest makes it hard to breathe, and you just want to disappear. You don't know how much time has passed since the doctors came into your hospital room and explained that due to the seriousness of your injuries and trauma, the baby had not survived. Your life falling apart in mere seconds, and the pain is unbearable.

Chris had been with you the whole time, holding your hand and drying your tears, but you can't feel anything anymore. During the early hours of the morning, a couple of police officers showed up at your room, investigating the case and asking a bunch of questions that made you relive the horrible night you had just experienced where you had lost it all, for good. Doyun had been so helpful and kind, asking the officers to step out and give you time, and assuring you that the company would take care of all legal affairs about the fight and the divorce.

You didn't even know when that decision had been made for you, but you were just glad they were helping you because you couldn't think of anything other than the feeling of guilt eating you up. A psychiatrist had come and tried talking to you, but he'd just managed to make you cry even harder. In fact, you were exhausted and just wanted to be alone.

You just couldn't understand your feelings, you weren't ready to be a mother, not yet. You were not looking for it or trying, and yet it happened. It didn't come out of a loving night or honeymoon with your loved one, no, it was the product of a rape, a terrible night that left you with a scar for life, and still, you loved it with all your heart, and you were ready to fight tooth and nail to defend it from the harsh world. But you couldn't even do that, it was your only job and you had miserably failed to protect him or her, and that hurt more than any punch or slap.

After what seemed like days, the doctors were ready to discharge you, and you were ready to go home. Chris hadn't left your side the whole time you stayed at the hospital, trying to find the words to talk to you, to tell you how sorry he was for your loss, but he couldn't, he was completely speechless, so instead he just held your hand and wanted you to be comfortable. You had agreed to go back to the dorms with him, the thought of coming back to your house alone and in this state was only fueling your depression.

"Suho will pick up your things at your house and bring them to the dorms, okay angel"? Chris said in a soft voice as he settled beside you on the back of the van, the company had arranged everything for you to be able to travel with them, but you were suspended from your activities at work while you recovered from the physical injuries you had sustained. But you were sure nothing could cure the void inside you after everything that had happened that night.

Once you got to the dorms, Chris had given you space to shower and change to a clean set of his clothes, considering yours from the night before were covered in blood and that horrible hospital scent was still lingering in your skin and hair.

But as the hot water hits your skin, you allowed yourself to break and truly cry, plunging all of your feelings away, hugging your abdomen, even though you were just a few weeks in when you miscarried, you had already pictured what your bump would look like, what it would feel like, how your clothes would no longer fit and how you would buy a bunch of cute pregnancy clothes, but the strongest feeling was how all that was ripped away from you.

Chris had prepared you a hot tea and had grabbed a couple of blankets from the spare room and brought them to his room, trying to make it as fluffy and comfortable as possible for you. Knocking softly on your door, the sight that met him after your soft "come in" was heart-shattering. Silent tears running down your face, sitting in the corner of the bed, with your hair all wet and tangled and the brush in your hands.

"Oh darling... Come here, let me help you". He takes the brush from your hand and grabs the towel that's sitting next to you, and places it under your shoulders to avoid your back from getting wetter. He starts brushing your hair softly and delicately, as if he is scared you're gonna slip through from his fingers.

Sharing that small but intimate moment makes you feel a little better, but your tears don't cease, slowly rolling down your cheeks and dying on your chin. After he finished detangling your hair, he guides you to his room, and places you softly on the bed, covering your fragile frame with a bunch of blankets.

He turns off the bright lights and settles on the bed next to you, "Is it okay if I hold you?", you nod slowly, your eyes are puffy and bloodshot red from all the crying, but still, Chris thinks he might explode from the way he feels about you. He engulfs his arms around you, placing your head softly on his broad chest, running his hand up and down your back. You start feeling sleepy, after all, you are still under heavy medication to avoid any complications and to relieve the pain from the hit you received to your face.

Chris starts humming a slow melody for you, and you feel the vibrations of his chest, soothing you, calming down your anxiety. He can see the way the colored lights of his room light up the side of your face, and he can't help but think you look gorgeous under his arms. "How much of the conversation did you hear?", you ask him with a broken voice, "Enough".

"I feel so guilty, Chris. It was my fault, I should've done something", you cry again, this time against his chest, soaking his shirt, "Hey, hey... Look at me, angel. Please", you move a little to be able to face him, and he places his hand softly on your chin, "None of this is your fault, okay? If anything it was my fault for not getting there sooner or for not reporting that bastard as soon as I was sure of what was going on. But please don't think that way", he says running his thumb under your eyes, drying your tears again.

"How am I gonna get over this, Chris? I'm all alone now and I can't deal with all of this. Where am I gonna live? I don't have enough money or...", he stops your rambling, "You are not alone, I'm right here, okay? And unfortunately for you, I'm not going anywhere" he giggles softly, "You are the strongest person I know, and you're gonna get through this. You don't need to worry about anything else right now, just focus on healing", he guides your head back down on his chest and pulls the fluffy blankets over your shoulders once again.

You start to drift off, your breathing starting to slow down and settle into a soft pace, Chris keeps his hands on you, caressing your shoulders and massaging your hair, his touch as delicate as the first time he ever hugged you. "I will wait for you, angel. I'll keep all your pieces together until you can lift yourself up again", he whispers against your hair, hoping you are asleep by now as he pours his heart out to you.