Ian and Oleander had been yelling in her bedroom for hours. They were arguing, well Ian was arguing Oleander did not care enough to fight back. She just sat there silently while Ian screamed and tears welled up behind his eyes. She could tell that he was on the verge of being reduced into a sobbing mess and a part of Oleander, the deep dark twisted part that she kept buried somewhere beneath her gallbladder and was only allowed to be unleashed before Trent, felt as though the tears were fake. Oleander was feeling disconnected from everyone who wasn’t Trent, Oleander stared deeply into Ian’s eyes and remained unmoved. Oleander wondered if perhaps she was missing some vital aspect of her humanity and if that was why there was an emotional wall between her and all of the humans in her life.
“Just tell me what’s making you this way!” Ian scream-pleaded. He sounded devastated and broken, Oleander hated him for it.
She stayed quiet for a few moments while Ian looked at her with a palpable pain. She sighed and then took a deep intake of air. She licked her lips and then bit the bottom one with her top teeth. She was stalling, unsure of what to say.
“You know that feeling when you pour pills into your palm and too many come out? That moment when you just stop and time feels paused while you weigh the capsules in your hand and you think to yourself, ‘I could swallow all of these and it’ll all be over.’?” She asked him.
Ian’s face shifted, his expression was a mixture of horror and hopelessness. “Yeah, I guess.” He said while trying to figure out how to help. The only thing that bothered Ian more than feeling hopeless was feeling helpless.
“Do you?” She asked forcefully. “Do you guess you know that feeling or do you know that fucking feeling?”
“Fuck you Ole! Jesus Christ! You aren’t the only person to have gone through shit alright? You don’t own the monopoly on sadness! You aren’t the first person to have considered suicide! That isn’t an acceptable way out okay?” He stopped shouting and sighed before starting again in a frightened whisper, “You’re killing me with this.”
“Then leave.” She suggested.
“Don’t you get it? I love you! I adore you Oleander Jameson, I’m not going to leave you not now, not ever. I’m not like your parents, I’m not like Rebecca. Nothing is going to make me abandon you! I’m not like everyone else in your life. I’m here for good but you’ve got to understand that your sadness impacts other people!” Ian told her so sincerely that it almost shattered the wall between them. His words irritated Trent immensely, he felt like it was a dig directed towards him for the years when he and Oleander were not speaking, even though he knew that Ian didn’t know about them. He hated that Ian was, in a way, the only entity to have truly never left her.
“Why? Why does how I feel impact you? I’m the one who is sad. I’m the one who is fucking suffocating!” She screamed, standing.
“What’s asphyxiating you baby?” He asked grabbing her hands.
“Secrets.” She whispered. The second the word rolled off of Oleander’s pink tongue she hated herself. She knew she could never tell Ian of the things that were bothering her. Trent’s heart shattered in his chest at her revelation. He was full of a self-loathing that was far worse than anything else he had ever experienced before.
YOU ARE READING
The Patron Saint of Monsters
Novela JuvenilA girl falls in love with the monster under her bed.
