A Collection of Tears in a Truth Filled Jar

You're Longer A Love and Lust

One day I'll be able to look at you and not picture someone I used to know

Someone who gave me hugs filled with dedication, loyalty, serenity, security

Someone who would hold me when i cried like an angel who just got their wings ripped off

Someone who constantly reminded me that my situation won't be my situation forever

Someone who provided a safe haven when the one i was supposed to have was the most dangerous place

You're someone who, someday, I'll remember I used to know

Even if I no longer know if I want to know you because the love I associate you with is a love I no longer want to feel

You brought me a pain,

A hatred even,

I'd never experienced,

One that aches and drags and festers into something far beyond melancholy

One that melancholy doesn't seem to recognize even

I don't recognize even

My love

Why're you so hard to not love?

Why're you so hard to let go?

Why can't I move around in my city without remembering you every place I occupy?

Why do you suffocate every place I occupy?

Why do I tense up in my muscles and get so disgustingly numb that I barely exist anymore

I see it in every time I hear your name

See your body

Reminisce on your memory,

Your voice,

Your gaze,

Your existence

My love?

I miss your love

I miss your occupation of every space I occupy

Why,

my love,

Can't you love me...