pet play

Part 14

Cale knew that he needed to calm down and think rationally.

But on the other hand, he also knew he needed to tear out someone's throat and feed it to them with all the gruesome details that entailed.

A wedding?

An actual wedding?!

That was–

...was that how meaningless he was...?

Perhaps if Cale had the self confidence to believe that he could be loved, he would have thought rationally and considered the very likely possibility that there was a very major miscommunication running amok among those with the most power in the Rowoon Kingdom. If any of the citizens were aware of how inept their leaders could be over very basic personal issues, the civil unrest would shake the kingdom.

But Cale knew, the same way he knew the sky was blue and his left hand had a tiny scar on it, that he wasn't loved.

Treasured, sure. He could believe that. A treasured pet and fuckbuddy. And in so many ways, that was enough. That was more than he could possibly ask for. Being able to be treasured and attended to and treated with such care. That was enough. With that, he could really feel happy.

And maybe the marriage was another branch of treasuring him, maybe just another way to spoil their pet and give him a meaningless prize. Neither Roksu nor Alver were romantic enough to view marriage as anything more than a means to an end and...

...why wouldn't Alver marry for political gain?

Doubt nagged at his heart. He knew that he wasn't loved but he also didn't know what this was. Every explanation that flitted through his thoughts just didn't quite fit and it all made him more and more frustrated until he was circling around himself like a filthy mutt chasing his own tail.

Alver's lips were soft, questioning. He tucked a hair behind Cale's ear while looking at him sweetly. "What's wrong?"

Everything.

Cale swallowed the complaints building up in his chest and attempting to crawl their way out of his throat.

What if he asked and they took it away...?

The startling fear of losing what he had sealed his lips and no matter how Alver or Roksu asked, he kept his unease to himself. Spending more time as a pet to avoid talking to them and to avoid it all. The frustrating part was how understanding and compassionate they were about it all. As though they were willing to wait as long as he needed, patiently and affectionately.

It was maddening.

Cale cracked after a week.

Waking up to the early rays of sunlight peeking in through Alver's windows and looking at the sleeping visage of a man he loved so dearly. There was something breath-taking about it. Alver without any disguise, sleeping and vulnerable with an arm loosely wrapped around Cale's waist and trusting him so completely.

That was really what broke him.

Alver trusted him so completely.

Love was a separate matter. Love was immaterial. Love was childish and foolish. Love was impossible to grasp hold of.

The trust was real and undeniable. Alver could not, could never, trust people so completely. So deeply. It was a matter of life or death, his life, his dreams, his hopes, his family, all these things that Alver had sweetly laid at Cale's feet.

And Cale couldn't return that trust.

Here he was, after years of knowing Alver. Knowing what sort of man he was. Loving him, caring about him, being intimate with him, and waking up beside him. Here he was doubting him. Worrying irrationally that Alver would throw him away completely over one stupid question.