Try Again

Chapter 18

Tyler's POV

The hallway was awfully crowded today, I noticed as I weaved my way through the sea of smiling faces and giggles which I oddly found less annoying today. Mira was right, nobody was saying anything about the incident. They were all just happy that I was back in school.

As I entered the class, I was greeted with an uplifting sight. There were many gifts on my desk, some flowers, and some sticky notes welcoming me back.

I couldn't stop the smile that blossomed on my face, perhaps people aren't that bad after all.

"Welcome back, Tyler." The class rep patted my back as he handed me a box of chocolate.

"Thank you so much," I said, still overwhelmed.

I glanced at all my classmates. "Thank you, everyone. I appreciate it."

"You're welcome." Everyone chorused, heartily.

It was nice to know that there are people out there that will search for me if I ever go missing, God forbid I do.

I started clearing my table. At the bottom, I saw a familiar note,

There is no condemnation now for those who live in union with Christ Jesus.
For the law of the Spirit, which brings us life in union with Christ Jesus, has set me free from the law of sin and death. __Romans 8:1-2.

___

We are free. You are free.
________

I am free.

After they left the other day, their words kept on floating in my head. The thought of eternal redemption was enticing, very enticing.

I was tired of living like this. I did not want to feel like a burden anymore, I don't want to be known as the depressed boy or the fallen scholarly prince. I wanted to be happy. Happy about life. I thought of all the remainder notes I have received and the promises they held.

"You will find peace…"

I want peace.

"A brighter future…"

I want to make my mother proud. I can still remember her reaction when I was first diagnosed with depression,

'What do you mean he has depression? He hasn't gone through anything in life and he is already depressed? If that is the case then I would have committed suicide a long time ago after everything I've gone through.'

Her words made me ashamed. Why couldn't I be normal? Why? But she was right though. What right did I have to be depressed? She had gone through worse and she was perfectly fine.

My mother got pregnant at nineteen and gave birth to her first child at twenty. The father of her children whom she loved with all her heart ran away to another State when she was pregnant with the second child at twenty-two. Two years later her mother-in-law threw her and her children into the streets to fend for themselves.

Before she met my dad, she was sought out by many men because of how pretty she was. She turned them all down even at the expense of her relationship with her family and ran away with my dad.

So, you can imagine the shame she felt when she had to go back to her family because she was homeless. The same family that she had abandoned after they warned her that she was making a mistake. Thankfully, they welcomed her back with open hands.

At twenty-six, she had to leave her children behind to travel to another state in search of a decent job to put food on the table. She slaved away for six years before she finally made it and came back for us.

She was really strong.

I wanted to be strong like her. While laying on my bed last night, I decided it needed to stop. I couldn't continue living like this. I did not want my little sister to continue to hover around me because she is afraid that when she looks away I would slit my throat. I wanted her to live her life to the fullest.

Can God still help me even with everything I have done? Will he still accept me?

Why don't we find out? I heard a voice whispered. This voice was different from the previous ones I had heard. It was softer.

I will try.

I knelt beside my bed. I could not make out any words. When was the last time I prayed? I could not remember. Only tears poured down my face.

'I really need your help, I don't want to be like this anymore. I don't want to be a burden. If you could just help me. Please.'

After pathetically wailing in my room for twenty minutes, I felt relieved. Though I didn't receive any answer from God as I expected.

I averted my gaze from the note, my eyes darted around the room but I could not see Mira or her friends anywhere.

I needed answers, so I stood up and went in search of her.

______

Mira's POV

I was standing in front of the girl's bathroom. Selena's period started unexpectedly this morning, so she was in there doing her stuff. Shawn went to the infirmary to get her something to help with the pain while I waited for her outside.

"Hey, watch it." I heard someone yell. I glanced up and saw Tyler brushing past someone. He really liked crashing into people.

He suddenly looked in my direction. He came over when he saw me. He looked more stressed than usual. I wondered what happened this time.

"Mira! It didn't work." He said immediately he got close to me. "I spent twenty minutes kneeling yesterday trying to speak to God but it didn't work."

I gaped at him flabbergasted.

Did I just hear him correctly? Did he just say what I think he said?

Well, I guess I didn't hear wrong since he was staring at me as if I stole the love of his life away from him.

I squealed internally. There is this unexplainable joy I get when a stubborn person finally gives their life to Christ. Like yeah, God conquered you.

I didn't think he would listen to me and pray. Now, I only had one thing to say to him,

"Try again."