If only I could lie down forever. I didn't want to leave my bed but the incessant growling of my stomach said otherwise.
I left my room and trudged downstairs to the kitchen. I caught sight of my medications on the kitchen island. I scrunched my nose in disgust. I hated taking those pills but I was required to. After what happened with Jeremy, not taking the pills was not an option.
Jeremy.
It's been two weeks since we last spoke. He stopped coming to my house last week after I repeatedly refused to let him in. I just could not face him. I felt like dying after what I did to him. His friendship was the only good thing I had going on for me yet I ruined it.
I sighed. I always managed to ruin people's lives.
I sat on the kitchen stool. My eyes wandered to the knife beside the medications. Mom never left sharp objects lying around so I'm sure Sophia accidentally left it there.
As I stared at the knife, a voice in my head told me to choose between the medications and the knife. The knife looked more appealing compared to those awful drugs. I furrowed my brows then shook my head, trying to get rid of the thought. I could not do it. It would only cause more trouble.
But, what if? The voice said.
If I'm gone, It would reduce the burden on my mother. My mom would not have to work so hard and there would be no need to pester my dad anymore. And probably Jeremy won't hate me anymore.
I gazed back at the knife. How would it feel when the sharp blade grazed the soft skin on my wrist, slicing my veins open? I wondered. Would I feel immense pain? Or would I feel nothing at all? What feeling would shoot down my body as my blood slowly dripped down my skin dyeing our white floors red? Maybe then I would feel pain-
"What are you doing?" A voice asked, waking me up. I turned back and saw Sophia gazing at me with caution. Why was she staring at me like that?
I followed her gaze to my wrist. I was holding a knife against it. I stared at the knife in shock. When did I press it against my skin? I did not even realize that I had reached out to hold it.
"Have you had breakfast yet?" She asked, slowly walking towards me, "Let's eat together." She said as she took a loaf of bread and a tube of butter from the refrigerator and set them down on the island.
She reached out and carefully pried the knife, that I was still holding very tightly, from my hand. She was so careful with that action as if she did not want to startle me. She returned the knife to the rack.
"Let's clean you up." She said, offering me her hands. I took it and she led me to the sink. This was when I realized that I had nicked myself and it was bleeding a little. She rinsed the blood away before placing a bandaid on it.
She made toast. When it was done, she gave me a plate, and guided me to the sitting room, before switching on the TV.
I bowed my head in shame, "I am sorry." I mumbled.
She took a bite from her toast, still gazing at the TV, "It is alright." She said. After some time, she murmured in a way that haunted me, "Don't do that again. You scared me."
When I finished recollecting my story, my mom was in tears. I was tearing up too.
"Why didn't you guys tell me?" She stared at us in disbelief. "Why didn't you say anything?"
"Because I knew you would react this way." Sophia retorted. "I didn't tell you because I knew you would react like this. I knew you would go ballistic." She took a deep breath. "You don't ever comfort him, all you do is add to his pain and make him feel more terrible. He needs comfort and love but you make things so hard on him. You treat us like burdens." She was out of breath but she wasn't stopping. She let out a dry laugh. "You know, I don't blame him for trying to kill himself. Sometimes I wish I was dead too–"
Another slap cut her short. She looked at our mother in anger.
"You are a terrible mother."
"Sophia!" I yelled. She had crossed the line.
Mom looked at her in despair. Her eyes darted between us. It was as if those words had sucked the life out of her. She looked downcasted.
"You can have your dinner when you are hungry." She said pointing at the flask after which she took her bag and left.
When she opened the door, I sighted Mira and the rest standing outside. As we locked eyes, I knew they heard everything.
Oh dammit. Not only did they see me almost take my own life but now they also witnessed my family fall apart.
YOU ARE READING
Try Again
Genç Kurgu"He cries every night looking for divine light." Miracle and Tyler were just classmates until she caught him secretly swallowing some suspicious pills in the school hallway. Now she has made a decision to help him and show him to Christ_ but will he...
