Chapter 20: What Could Have Been

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🎶 Would've, Could've, Should've — Taylor Swift 🎶

After our return to Monaco from training camp, Alice and Joris had decided to keep their engagement secret and spend some time getting to know each other better instead. Charles and I hadn't talked much since then and honestly, it was a relief. He was always overly nice with me and I didn't know if it was out of pity as he wanted to just be a good friend, or if he was always on the verge of flirting and wanting more from me. I couldn't say which of these options I preferred personally. It felt wonderful to know that after all these years, he still had feelings left for me, but on the other hand I was unsure if I could ever reciprocate them.

I was currently driving up to St Moritz for a week of skiing with some of Bobby's siblings. When I pulled up in front of the chalet, the memories of the last time that I was here hit me. It was a few months before Monaco, New Year's Eve, we were so in love and ready for our future together, while Charles was just a rare encounter, for whom I had little thoughts. Oh, how things had changed.
"He's still in your life because he's your great love. Bobby might have been the One, but you already had had your great love, and that was Charles" my subconscious told me, but I quickly shook away those thoughts.

I was greeted by Virginia at the entrance and she immediately hugged me. In the living room, Joe and Johnny were engrossed in a discussion.
"Hey hey hey" Johnny said when he saw me.
"Hi, thanks for the invite, it's great seeing you guys, shame that Vicky and Kate couldn't make it" I said when I greeted them.
"It's great to see you again since I missed you after New Year's" Joe said.
"Yeah, I... wanted to visit Bobby, sorry for the short notice" I said and smiled.

We sat down together and enjoyed a few cocktails before going off to sleep as we wanted to hit the slopes early.

We sat down together and enjoyed a few cocktails before going off to sleep as we wanted to hit the slopes early

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📍 St Moritz, Switzerland
Tagged: virginia.kennedy
mary.wright98 the flag is a big plus

carmenmmundt British humour 😵‍💫
Replying to carmenmmundt:
georgerussell63 Idk I think it's hilarious
tory_kdy Wish I was there with you guys ❤️

That evening, we were sat at the dining table and Joe suddenly spoke up: "So, Mary, I wanted to tell you that I've decided to run for Senator next year."
"You decided?" I chuckled and raised an eyebrow jokingly. "Just kidding, I'm proud of you and Bobby would surely be too..."
"I need to ask you a really hard thing now... Please don't get angry at me: Grandpa wants me to announce my candidacy after Bobby's one-year memorial mass... And he wants you to also deliver a statement." Joe said.
There was an eerie silence at the table and I put down my cutlery. I should have seen this coming, Grandpa Joe loved his family, but he didn't miss one opportunity for publicity.
"I'll do it on one condition: not on his death day. The day after, fine, give me the script - but not on the death day." I finally spoke.
Everyone on the table nodded and after a while, someone finally broke the ice again and we managed to have a funny conversation again.

On one night, we went out clubbing in town and we had the best of fun. Girls were drooling over the boys, but they knew better and stayed clear of them and glued themselves to us. We were pretty drunk by the time we walked back home at 3am.
"Guys, I miss Bobby" Virginia said and laughed.
"We all do" I said and slung an arm around her.
"Will you ever date again?" Johnny asked me.
I took a deep breath. I was too drunk for this conversation now, but they were all looking at me, expecting and answer.
"I have no concrete prospect now. It actually seems like whoever surrounds himself with me gets engaged soon after. I expect you guys to all be engaged in a matter of months" I said and laughed.

We spent a wonderful rest of the week in the Alps and I had loads of fun while skiing. I hoped that Bobby was happy that I was maintaining a good friendship with his siblings.

 I hoped that Bobby was happy that I was maintaining a good friendship with his siblings

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📍 St Moritz, Switzerland
Tagged: johnny.kdy, joe.kenn00
mary.wright98 broskis ⛷️

arthur_leclerc Caption game has been strong lately! 😄
joe.kenn00 ❤️
virginia.kennedy 🥹
amelwindsor Love thissss 😘

I then finally returned to my apartment in Monaco later and as I couldn't find sleep that night, I quickly got dressed, took a memory light out of my supplies and walked down to the Rascasse corner. A small sign in Bobby's memory had been put up, and sometimes there were some candles or flowers there. I tried to go at least once a week since I had been living here, usually at night, to have some quiet time there.

When I arrived, I took the old flowers that were laying there and threw them in the nearest bin, before putting up my candle and lighting it.
"Hi Bobby... I just had the most wonderful week with your siblings, but we missed you terribly. Joe is running for Senator, but that's no surprise - Grandpa Joe is already pulling all the strings for him. I can't believe you've been gone almost nine months - our baby would have been born by now... God, Bobby, I miss you so much" I sniffled.

"Mary Wright?" I heard someone say and quickly turned around.
"Oh my God, Ollie..." I whispered. He was still sitting in a wheelchair.
"I - I - I can't say how sorry I am, really" he whispered and I saw a tear roll down his cheek.
"He knew the risk" I just said. To be honest, I had never blamed him personally for the crash. He was an electric young driver and pushing every car he sat in to its limit. I blamed the FIA and F1 for allowing hot laps on that circuit that was way too dangerous, all too generate more money and show for the sport.
"But still, I killed him - I don't think I can ever live down to accepting that" he said with a shaky voice.
"He would have done the hot lap with any other driver too, Ollie, you have to let it go. Look at yourself, you should invest your mental energy into healing and not blaming yourself. We cannot turn back time." I said and he just nodded.
"Shall we say a prayer together?" I asked him and he looked up to me, smiling, taking my hand.

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