Deliver for the death eaters

Chapter 3

"How are you not dead yet?"

"Good morning to you too, Hermione. Yes, I slept very well thank you – surprisingly enough. Oh yes, it is my birthday, I am so glad you remembered," was Harry's snarky answer to Hermione's abject shock.

Harry had experienced rude wake-up calls many times in the Dursley household, mainly because it was his job to cook breakfast for the entire family but on this particular occasion of his sixteenth birthday, he had been woken up by the phone and Dudley.

Dudley had picked up the phone, Harry had heard, said something incoherent and then shouted, "COUSIN, PHONE! IT'S YOUR GIRLFRIEND!"

"SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!" Harry shouted back, jumping off his bed and shooting down the stairs to see what Hermione would have to say.

Well, it was safe to say that the Muggleborn witch was extremely surprised to hear that there were still no dead bodies at Number Four Privet Drive. It was a very good thing that Vernon and Petunia were out at yet another garden party because they would not have been best pleased with the fact one of Harry's friends would have reminded them of their nephew's existence.

"But how?! You have sent them Muggle food twice and sent Muggles onto their turf twice! Surely by now Narcissa Malfoy must have around twenty Hit Wizards after you," Hermione still could not believe her ears. "Anyway, I suppose we should consider ourselves lucky you're not dead yet. Happy birthday, Harry! Has my card and present arrived yet?"

"No, not yet," Harry answered with a smile. "But neither has Ron's or anyone else's before you start casting Tracking Charms on the owl or something."

"I just want to make sure the gift gets there on time," Hermione huffed. "Besides, have you heard that Fred and George's joke shop business is booming?"

"Yeah. Doesn't surprise me to be honest. They certainly made quite the exit last year!" Harry laughed.

Seeing Fred and George cause Umbridge that much misery and giving her biggest middle finger one could get – from portable swamps to dinosaur-dragon fireworks – it was bloody brilliant. How could the Wizarding World not have known about what they had done? It was just the biggest publicity stunt anyone could have done!

"Yes they did," Hermione was forced to admit. "Do you know if the pizzas were eaten or destroyed?"

"To be honest, I have my money on 'given to the house elves as scraps'," Harry replied, looking and sounding very sulky.

Hermione seemed to be praying to whatever deity would listen for a good few seconds because she didn't say anything for a bit. "So, I hate to ask but do you have any plans for your birthday? Ones that actually mean you will be occupied and not bored?" she eventually asked.

Harry snorted at this. "Probably will just take a walk or something. Haven't done that in a while. Oooo I could go bird watching! I heard that there is a family of hawks-"

"Oh no, you're still bored," his sister-in-all-but-name groaned.

"Yes, very," the Boy-Who-Was-Perhaps-Slightly-Mental responded easily.

"I can always teach him some basic mechanical stuff and woodwork," Dudley had been spying via the kitchen landline again. "Might help."

"Would you?" Hermione had lit up in an instant.

"Yeah. I am taking a Construction course at school the coming year. I could use an extra pair of hands with preparing for it," Dudley answered.

"Wow! You've learned to prepare for school," Harry gasped. "Oh no, you actually want to do schoolwork. We need to alert the BBC immediately! Dudley Dursley has been hijacked by fairies!"