𝑮𝒐𝒓𝒈𝒆𝒐𝒖𝒔 || 𝒃𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒂 𝒓𝒂𝒎𝒔𝒆𝒚 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒕𝒔

scars || bella ramsey

TRIGGER WARNING
mentions of self harm, not in detail. but, i do describe the scars in detail so if that makes you uncomfortable then please don't read.

before you read the story, i just wanted to let you guys know that if you have gone through self destructive behavior, whether is be physical or mental, please remember you aren't alone, and that though you may not think it, you are cared and loved for. if you think the opposite of that, i understand how you feel. please remember that i am here for you and i love you all so much.

please read with caution. 💋

Y/n's pov

a sigh escapes my lips as i slip on the loose shorts i had grabbed from my drawer. me and bella were going to a park today because it was nice outside, it was like 86 degrees. i love going places with bella, but in the summer when it's hot out, i have to be carful with what i wear.

a few years ago i was diagnosed with severe depression and i struggled with self harm for a while. after about 1.5 years of that i went to therapy and got help, and i've been clean for about 1 year. but, the scars still run up the outsides of my thighs, starting just above my hips and ending about a quarter down my thighs. they are long, thin lines that have a lighter, pinker color than the rest of my skin.

sometimes i can prevent them from showing, if i get long enough shorts. i try not to look at them much because they still remind me of bad memories, but today i couldn't fine long enough shorts, so i out on some that show a few scars. i thought maybe if i wore a longer shirt they wouldn't show, so i grabbed a oversized tee, and slipped it on over my bra.

i looked back in my mirror, eyeing the reflection looking back at me m. my eyes trail down to my thighs, the shirt didn't cover them. like at all. after i look in the mirror for a while more, the reflection seems warped. i can see my scars — that used to look thin and barely noticeable — now look thick, and darker. i feel my nose sting and vein, as if tears were coming but i didn't feel any. i was confused, i haven't felt this emotional about my scars in a while, i thought i was better.

i feel myself spiral even more, and the more i think, the more tears come. before i know it, im sitting on my bedroom floor with my head in between my legs, completely forgetting about the fact bella was supposed to be at my house in 20 minutes.

•time skip•

i flinched as i heard my doorbell ring, for a second i wondered who it was, then i remembered. it's bella, i totally forgot about it i was so caught up i didn't even think about it. i rushed downstairs and opened the door to see bella. they had a soft smile on their face, well at least until they saw me and realized i've been crying.

"oh— hey what's the matter, have you been crying?" they asked with concern while bringing a hand up to my face.

"yeah no it's nothing i'm fine," i lied, of course there was something wrong. and judging by their unconvinced look, they knew that. they walked me over to the couch and asked me again what was wrong.

"i just don't feel good today- my head hurts." i lied again. i felt guilty for lying to them, but i didn't want to tell them,

"oh i'm sorry baby, do you want to just stay in today?" they asked me. i nodded, i love how sweet they are, it makes me feel so loved.

•time skip•

we were about 45 minutes into The Exorcist, we decided to watch a horror movie because we both were missing autumn. i was laying half on top on bella with one leg over them and one arm on their stomach. their hand was on my hips and the other one across my shoulders.

i jumped a little at a jumpscare, so bella's hand fell a little bit down to my upper thighs. i hadn't noticed, but i guess my shorts rolled up a bit. their thump rubbed up and down my thigh, stopping suddenly at the top my my thigh. this time, their whole hand was going up and down the area where my scars are, their hand feeling the bumps and ridges of the skin.

their head raised slowly and they looked closer to my thigh, inspecting the scars. that's when i noticed, they saw them.

"y/n.. what happened?" they asked worried.

"oh uhmm.. it's just- uh," i stuttered while they looked at me, then my thigh, they back at me.

"when did you do this? we're you ever going to tell me?" they asked a bit more upset then before.

"they're old i promise, and i didn't know how to tell you— i was scared you would be mad, or thought i was weird, or-" i started to say with tears welling in my eyes, before i stopped talking so my voice wouldn't crack.

"i would never get mad at you for that, i'm upset, but only because i didn't know. i love you so so much and i don't ever want to be scared to tell me things." they said as they hugged me. tears fell on their shoulder, the fabric or their hoodie becoming damp.

"i love you too bella. i'm sorry i didn't tell you." i whispering while crying into their shoulder.

"don't be sorry darling, i'm just happy that they're old. you don't deserve to feel like that, i'm so proud of you."

i have never ever felt so safe then i do now.

i'm actually so sorry for the wait, wattpad didn't let me write for like 2 weeks 😭😭

love y'all - leo 💞