Cynthia Romani

Chapter 3

I wish I could take my parents pain away from them. I feel useless, as I can't seem to do anything to fix everything. I wish and pray that my dads sorrow be taken away.

I couldn't imagine the pain he's feeling, how does one come to terms with the fact the women you've been in love with is dying.

There's nothing worse than seeing your dad cry. I woke up to get water when I heard him in his office crying. My heart shattered.

Please tell me grief gets better. I'm grieving my mother who's alive but I'm waiting and watching as she slowly loses her battle against cancer.

My mother is my whole world, I dread the day I wake up and she's gone for good. I pray to you god each day to let her live longer. But I'm losing hope and getting angrier .

Gosh I hate being angry. Angry at the world, angry at god for doing this to my mother. Angry at myself.

I'm just a girl who wants her family to be happy again.

It's not fair, none of it is.
- Cynthia R.

I drop my pen and close my journal.  Writing helps me release everything I feel. If anyone ever stumbles upon my multiple journals I fear I would have to disappear from embarrassment.

I get up and go to my mothers room . I enter quietly and see her sleeping. I walk slowly to her and sit on the chair beside her bed. I sit there quietly watching her chest rise and fall. She's looks better today.

I exit her room after making sure she's fine and head downstairs. "Cara Mia, you alright?" My dad spots me and stops what he's doing. He approaches me and gently cups my face, "you look down, any problems at school?" I smile and shake my head.

"No dad I'm okay, just tired." He hums in thought and smiles. "Let's go for a walk. Fresh air will do us good." I nod and walk behind him. We walk side by side around our yard passing the pool and walked farther into the back yard.

"Cynthia, don't lose yourself sweetheart." I suck in a harsh breath and stop in my tracks. "What do you mean?" I cross my arms and stare at my father. "I mean just because your mother is sick, doesn't mean you also have to stop living.."

"Sweetheart I want us to make a promise to each other. No matter what happens

By the time I go inside I feel ten times lighter. I needed that, I'm in my room getting ready for bed. I hate the idea of going to school tomorrow. I don't want to leave my mothers side.

Homeschooling would have been great but my parents don't want me missing out. And my mother was so against it, saying how I need to live my life in the present and stop worrying so much about the future.

But it's so hard, how can I not worry when she might not be here. I pray my nightly prayer and get into bed.

When I wake up I make my way over to my moms room. I stop in tracks when I see she's up and dressed in her favorite dress. She's Beautiful with her black curly hair pinned in a half up half down. She's smiling at me, which makes my heart squeeze.

"Oh my amore, why are you crying?" I frown in confusion until she wipes my tears away. "I'm just glad you were able to get up today, how are you feeling mom?" She twirls making her dress flow. We both laugh and I wish I could stay home all day with her.

"You'll be late for school, go along now. Your education is more important." I huff and hugged her goodbye.

Thank you god for listening to me.

I'm dropped off and walk into school with a smile, todays a good day. I walk to the girls who are laughing loudly, the one responsible for that is none other than Aleksandr who's sitting so smugly. I smile and approach them.

"Someone's in a good mood this morning." Olivia speaks up and hugs me hello. I grin at her, "why are you wearing that?" Sydney's voice interrupts us. Again what's wrong with my outfit?

"Erm a skirt?" She rolls her eyes. I frown in confusion and look at the group. Aleksandr no longer smiling. "We talked about this Cynthia, you look big in skirts it's not cute." Sure I have bigger thighs, but I feel pretty in them.

"Oh. Sorry must of forgot." I see her roll her eyes and sit down next to Olivia. "You're happy today." I smile and nod. I am, for now.

"That's good I like happy Cynthia." She side hugs me and I let out a breathless laugh. I look at Aleksandr who's staring at me weird. He flips me off which makes me smile, I flip him off in return.

His eyes widen making me roll mine. I feel someone looking at me and my attention turns to Sydney who's glaring at me. I frown in confusion. She gets up and drags Jackie with her.

"Well ladies it was fun talking with you. Liv thank you for the help, I passed the test with a B." Olivia smiles and congratulates him. I look around the school hallway, and spot Dimitri heading our way.

He nods his head at me as a greeting, I wave at him. "Cynthia? Do you have a crush on my twin?" I gasp and look at Aleksandr. "Absolutely not! Dimitri is so not my type.he's creepy!" I widen my eyes and turn around to see Dimitri.

"I'm hurt Cynthia, and here I thought we were friends." Dimitri says faking being sad. I hear a loud laugh from my side, I look at Aleksandr who leans on my shoulder. I groan and shrug his hand off my shoulder.

"I'm late for class, come on Olivia." We both walk away to our English class. I sit in my regular desk and huff when the twins walk in. Like usual they sit beside me.

"Class group project, and No you can't pick your own groups. I will, at the end of class go see your name and group members on the board in the back. Now resuming our lecture from yesterday."

I zoned out and when the bell rang I gathered my stuff to go check the board. When I saw my name next to the twins I groaned. "Great, I have to spend time with you." I feel his presence behind me.

I turn around and stare up at him. "I have to be around your annoying presence. I don't see why your complaining about me." He scoffs.

"So why were u all smiley today, usually you have your serious bitch face on." I side step away from him and walk out the room. I can hear him following me.

"You know you claim to dislike me Alek but you follow me around like a puppy." He mumbled under his breath. "First of all my names Aleksandr, and second of all I'm not following you we just happen to be going the same places."

He's walking by my side, I look up at him and shrug my shoulders with a small smile. "What ever floats your boat." He mumbles more under his breath. I get a text message and look to see it's mom.

I immediately open it.

My sweetheart, I'll be at the doctors tonight. Please don't worry your pretty little head. I love you cara.

No, No, she was fine this morning. My vision filled with tears and I bumped into someone. I fell down which caused some snickers from some people. "Watch where the fuck you're going." I feel someone pick me up.

"I'm sorry, it was my fault." The person I bumped into apologized and left quickly. I look up at Aleksandr who looked worried.

"kotyonok why are you crying? Are you hurt?" I walk away from him and go into the schools garden.

"Don't talk alek, just please stay here." He was sitting down quietly the whole time. I looked at him when I calmed down. He was staring at me, "hug?" I scoff.

"As if I would ever accept a hu.." I was cut off by him as he hugged me tightly to him. I don't know why he's doing this. But I don't want him to stop.