Umakoti Ngo Wethu

15

We turned Nthombifuti's room into the cutest nursery ever. All her baby things were set up in the corner while her bed was still in there. Since my father was so insisitant about us using his money, I got her the cutest bassinet. It was fit for a princess.

"Litha Gumede, where are you going?" I was on my way out with Jabu when my father stopped us at the door. "I'm taking my son to see his father." I said with a blank expression on his face. "You will do no such thing." I was so over it. I have had it. "Baba, please. I don't have the energy for this. My son has a father who is in his life. That won't change because I'm under your roof. If you're going to keep me prisoner here, you could've just left me with my mother then. At least Jabu was seeing his father and grandmother regularly then." I had no energy, but I knew it needed to be said.

"MaGumede, don't disrespect me! Close that door and get back in your room." I need to get the fuck out of this damn house. If I don't get pregnant soon, I'm going to be stuck here forever. "Baba, what's going on?" MaKhumalo came running in. "MaGumede, close the door." I did as he said, and he seemed satisfied. He tried touching my arm as he walked past, but I shrugged him off violently. "Don't touch me." My voice was low and scary. I didn't even know it could sound like that.

I walked to my room and locked myself in and called Jabulani. "Hello, are you on your way?" I sighed. "No." My voice was shaking. "Why? What's wrong?" I didn't care about keeping the peace. I wanted him to storm in here and come get us. "My father won't let me leave." He let out a heavy sigh and repeated it to ma.

"Jabulani, no! You can not just go there angry. If you storm into the Gumede home now, you're going to make the rest of your life difficult. You will never have a blessed union if you do this. Please be patient. This is all the more reason to pay MaGumede's lobola without that witches' permission. Give me the phone." I heard ma say. "Litha, you just have to be patient, okay? All of this will work out in the end. Don't worry about it." They spoke to Jabu for a little bit, and then we hung up.

I hated it here. I actually hated it here.

We were preparing for New years Day and Nthombifuti's birthday. I was cleaning like a mad woman. It's the only way I could get my frustrations out. "Litha, could you make me a cup of tea, please?" My father asked nicely. Him and I have not been talking. Our words for eachother stop at good morning. "Thembi, your father wants tea." I said and left the room to go clean the backyard.

"Litha." Here comes MaKhumalo. "Litha, you can't still be angry about this. Come on. You know how your father is. He's leaving tomorrow, and then you can take your son to see his father." She always did this. Everything was about him. Everything needed to suit his needs and wants, and everyone else just needed to adapt. "Litha." She begged. "Ma, please. Please leave me alone."

She actually left. Once I cleaned all I needed to clean, I started a fire to cook dinner. We caught and prepared a chicken earlier today, so I just made a chicken stew with some pap and spinach.  I made it all on the fire like a proper village girl. I was really turning into one.

"The food was great, Litha." I didn't say anything. I just took his plate. "Mama." Jabu came waddling in, pulling his bag behind him. "Mama. Baba." He had my car key in his hand, too. My heart shattered. He loves his dad. "Baba." He handed me the keys. "Baba." I picked him up and got his bag. "Baba. Baba. Baba." I was really trying not to get emotional. "No, baby." He instantly started crying.

And the crying didn't stop. He wanted his dad, and nothing else would stop him from crying. Everyone tried everything. I put on the tv, but he wasn't interested. "Okay, let's call him." My baby boy grabbed my phone and threw it on the ground. It shattered into pieces.

"Here's his bottle. It has cooled down." MaKhumalo came running in. Throughout this whole ordeal, my father  just sat there watching. I picked Jabu up and tried to feed him, but he hit bottle out of my hand. I got the bottle and my son and went to my room. I could feel the tears coming, and I did not want to cry in front of my father.

Jabu refused his bottle, and he refused to breastfeed. He wanted his dad. MaKhumalo came in after a little while. "I'm afraid he'll get a headache." She said, sitting down next to me. "I'm sure he must already have one." He was running out of energy to scream, and he finally let me hold him. He was still crying but not so loud as before. "His warm ma." I said, feeling his face. "It's because of all the screaming. He'll cool down. Don't worry about it."

I got him to take his bottle, and he eventually went to sleep. Nthombifuti came waddling in with my shattered phone. "I can't sleep, and I found this on the table. Can I stay in your room tonight?" I nodded. "Of course." She handed me the phone pieces. There was no way I could fix it. She got in bed with me and I knew she was worried about me.

"Are you okay? Don't lie." I just sighed and put he phone pieces on my bedside table. "This is not what I thought it would be like. I would rather have stayed with our mother. At least I wasn't a prisoner there." She shook her head. "Don't say that. Baba is just being really protective. He'll learn to let you go out and live your life."

"I get it, but it's affecting my son. He can't not see his father. He's so used to his grandmother and father that not seeing them is hurting him. Futi, it's two in the morning. Jabu only stopped screaming now. That can't be healthy. I can't do this for much longer." I wiped the tears that escaped my eyes. "What does that mean?" I didn't even know. "I... I don't know. I just don't like it here. I thought I would be happy, but I'm not."

I couldn't keep it in anymore. I started crying like a baby. Nthombifuti spent most of the night comforting me. This was new to me. It was usually the other way around. It was strange, but I felt loved.