Umakoti Ngo Wethu

34

They took me to MaMthembu's house where I eventually calmed down. I didn't know what was wrong with me. That terrified me more than the thoughts of being murdered if I walked out the door. "Makoti, I made you some tea so you can fall asleep."
"No. I can't fall asleep. It gets worse when I'm asleep."
"Litha, you have to sleep. You can't keep going on like this. You'll make yourself sick. Please, just try. If not for yourself do it for the baby and your little boy. He needs his mom. You need to sleep."

I slept off and on that night. MaKhumalo stayed with me and ma kept Jabu calm. He didn't know what was going on and my screaming just made it worse for him. I feared for my unborn child. What was all this stress doing to him or her?

Baba was home when I woke up that morning. I grabbed him tightly and just cried. I couldn't do this anymore. I was so tired and so scared. I spent the day with my son just holding him tightly against me. Baba and I were going into the city tomorrow so we could go to the hospital to make sure the baby was completely fine. I promised to go the therapy if he went too. He agreed. Both of us were living in constant fear that something would happen to the us or to the babies.

I spent a couple of days in the hospital to rest up. They recommended I go to a mental hospital. I was completely against it. Baba convinced me to at least go take a tour of the place. It was beautiful. It looked like a resort. It seemed like it  was just a bunch of rich people laying around all day. I still wasn't too keen on going but my family insisted.

I spent two week there. I had multiple therapy sessions a day that felt like torture. There was so much I had to work through that I sometimes felt disheartened but I also knew I was on the right track.

I was as well rested as I could be at six months pregnant when baba came to fetch me. I wasn't in the right state of mind before coming to the facility so we decided to delay finding out the gender until I was in the right headspace.

Baba came to get me and all of a sudden he just seemed irresistible. So much so that I insisted on having a quicky in the backseat. I needed it and he did too. "I keep forgetting how much of a freak you are." I giggled as we got dressed again. We got to the hotel and made love until the sun came out. It was glorious.

I got in a little nap before we went to our appointment. "There we go. Congratulations Mr and Mrs Dlamini, you're having a baby boy." I squealed and Jabulani jumped for joy.  He was acting like a complete fool all the way to the hotel. We decided to live in luxury for a couple of days. The ladies from the spa already knew exactly what I liked and every single staff member wanted to impress the bosses wife. I got a bunch of maternity clothes since my baby decided he wanted to make my body a mansion. I got Jabu some toys and a tiny sports car he could drive around. I couldn't help myself when it came to clothes for him and the new baby. I went crazy.

"Okay, I'm very happy that you're finally spending my money because there's a lot of it but we do not have space in the car for this." He looked at the shopping bags that littered our penthouse. "I know." I don't know why but it made me sad. "Okay, okay, don't cry. Please. We'll get another car to bring it." I just nodded but started crying anyway.

My family organized a welcome home dinner. I kept in touch with them over the two weeks I was away because I felt guilty for pushing them away after the incident. We got home and we were instantly bombarded by family even though we would all see eachother at dinner. I did miss them so I entertained them and answered all their questions. Jabu was sleeping and I didn't want o bother him. When my family left I just stared at him while he slept. He eventually woke up and screamed from excitement when he saw me. He didn't want to let me go for the rest of the day.

Jabu went crazy over all of his gifts. Especially his car. He hasn't gotten the hang of driving it yet but his dad used the remote control. He wouldn't even let me get ready on my own. He didn't want me out of his sight.

Dinner went smoothly. The two families seemed completely integrated at this point. They all spoke like old friends and they probably bonded over this crazy incident.

I went to the bathroom to fix my dress. It felt weird. Jabu obviously followed me. I was in front of the mirror straightening out my dress when Nthombifuti joined me.

"You scared me." She said in the doorway. "I'm sorry Futi. I didn't mean to."
"I know. I don't blame you for that. I just needed to say it. I thought I was going to lose you when you stopped talking to us. I knew nobody would be okay after experiencinf something like that. Especially while pregnant. I didn't want you to suffer alone but I also didn't want to invade your space but I knew something was wrong. I felt it in my bones." I didn't know what to say to her. She sounded so hurt and I felt responsible.

"Litha, please don't push me away. You did everything in your power to protect me growing up. You were literally a baby when our mother gave you the task of raising me. I can't loose you. I need you and Mbali needs you too." Tears were running down her eyes and they started building up in mine too. I went to hug her because that's all I could do. "I'm sorry Futi. I promise I won't do it again. I swear. I'm sorry." I comforted her.

Once she was okay I told her the news about the baby. She almost screamed and I had to keep her quiet. Baba and I got Jabu a shirt that said "I'm getting a baby brother". She helped get him dressed and Baba had a smile on his face when he saw Jabu dressed in the blue shirt.

Jabu played his part well. He ran to his grandmother first. "Gogo! Look? Look Gogo!" She read the words and started screaming. She picked Jabu up and spun him around. "Everyone! Look at his shirt!" She read the shirt out loud and everyone went crazy. Especially Baba's uncle's. They started calling extended family on the spot. But the time dinner was over the whole Dlamini family knew I was having a boy.

I was glad that everyone was happy and at ease. The whole situation was just crazy and I needed a break from crazy. I was still having the nightmares, but I knew how to deal with them. I knew they were only nightmares, and they weren't real. Life at home became peaceful and that is exactly how I wanted it.

I was cooking at the homestead with Gogo and Ma.  We were having a lazy day and we wanted to eat early.  It wasn't as cold that day so we were outside. "MaMthembu you have guests." Ma looked confused and I turned around to see who it was. I was confused too. My sister and her husband and mother-in-law stood there. I forgot she even existed. How one forgets a whole sibling is beyond me but I did. Out of sight out of mind I guess.

"Lisa? What are you doing here?"
"Shut up. Don't talk to me. I'm not here for you. I'm here for my husband and his inheritance." What? "Makoti." Her mother said in a warning tone. "MaGumede what is going on here?" Ma asked me and I shrugged. I had no idea but this bitch is still as rude as ever. "Lisa, keep quiet. Please.  You're being disrespectful." She just rolled her eyes.

"MaMthembu, this is my son Themba. Lately he has been inquiring about his father. I've been avoiding the topic so far but it's about time. MaMthembu, you're husband, Bab'Dlomo, is my sons father."