Tainted : Unneeded love

Temptations

TW (Self harm)
Sidra

I woke up late, it was probably because of the pills I took. I showered and got dressed. I had to decide whether or not to say in this room the whole day or leave this room and face my mother in law. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to stay in bed and my hand hurt like heck. So I stayed in the room. I wasn't hungry. I could go days without eating. It had become a habit to starve myself. It wasn't about being thin enough. It was just hard to eat sometimes. I just t hated myself for eating too much so one day I decided to stop. To be honest, I hated everything about myself. My hair, my smile, how I looked, how I felt, just everything and I believe that everything that's happening to me is what I deserve. Maybe I truly do deserve it.

𝐂𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐡

Its always my fault
I'm the lazy one
I've worked so hard to keep my boat sailing but you're an iceberg always making me crash
You make me wonder if you ever wanted a child or even be a mother to someone else's child
You're so different from what you were before
Your words are more hurtful
You don't wanna understand me
I'm new to this whole thing
I'm dying every day and you seem to never notice
I'm crashing
I'm thinking of attempting
I've done things to myself no human is supposed to do because of your words
I wonder why you say those things
Why dont you control your anger and try to care for once
I walk around with my scars not even hiding them but you still can't see
I'm done fighting for you, for a stupid bond

- 𝐒𝐢𝐝𝐫𝐚 𝐒𝐢𝐫𝐚𝐣

I went back to sleep to avoid everything and everyone. I was woken up by ice cold water. Zaki poured it. He grabbed by arm. "Oh finally you're awake. My mother wants to talk to you." he said. I didn't say anything, I didn't even get out of the bed. My cuts were burning but it didn't bother. " Did you not hear me? I told you to wake up and go to my mother." he said. I rolled my eyes. I hated this man so much. I just wanted to strangle him. I went to his mother's room. I hated her too. I just hated them both. They had made it their mission to make my life miserable. I knocked at her door. I was beginning to feel cold. "Come in." she said with a disgusted look on her face.
I just stood in front of her. "I see you haven't been a good wife and daughter in law. You and Zaki haven't even consummated your marriage. I have tried a lot to help you guys to get you guys together but you aren't allowing that. You tried to poison him by giving him food he's allergic to and you're being lazy." she said. "I'll be a better daughter in law and wife." I answered. I'll do that over my dead body. I went back to my room. This is pathetic. I just want to leave this family.