A Product Of The Internet

How did it get to be only me?

Days turned into years as I confined myself to my room, scrolling through Tumblr all day, and crying all night.

Troye had already made it clear that he doubted that the baby was his. He doesn't want anything to do with us.

Tyler and Connor visited frequently to bring me food, since I refused to leave my room, except to relieve myself. My brother had left for university, but he called me everyday to see how I was doing. Every time I would tell him I'm fine. Occasionally make up a story about me being productive and sociable, just to keep him happy.

I understood suddenly what Troye meant when he said he felt hollow, like an empty shell. Everything was my fault.

If I hadn't gotten drunk that night with PJ I would not be pregnant.

If I hadn't made a Tumblr account I would not have met Troye.

If I hadn't been born at all I wouldn't be in this mess.

I rolled out of my bed and shuffled to the bathroom, reminding myself of the day I found out I was pregnant. I switched on the light an it hummed quietly, bathing the room in a yellow light.

I walked up to the mirror, and gripped onto the sides of the sink, supporting myself with it. I stared hard at the reflection. Taking in my mascara stained cheeks, my puffy red eyes and my dry chapped lips.

I felt nothing.

I needed something to make me feel again, but at the same time numb my sorrows.

Down the stairs I went, my bare feet coming into contact with the cold tile of the kitchen. I walked towards the cupboard of my interest and pulled out a full bottle of wine. My mother's favourite.

I soon found myself gulping down the liquid, pacing the room. A delirious smile slapped onto my face. A feeling an euphoria and warmth on my cheeks.

I necked the last of the wine, and made my way back upstairs, with much difficulty. The light in the bathroom was still on, humming it's monotonous tune as I stepped back inside.

I opened the cabinet that also served as the mirror, and took out a plastic bottle, filled with sleeping pills and placed it on the side of the sink.
I glared, once more at myself in the mirror and pulled my pyjama top up slightly, revealing a small bump. Hardly noticeable.

One, two three, four pills landed in my hand as I shook the bottle with all my strength, which wasn't enough. Another four bounced out as I tipped it completely upside down.

I swallowed them relentlessly, staggering back to my room. Dark spots appeared in my vision as I neared my bed. I collapsed down before I reached it.

"Lie within, numb my skin."

A/N
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