On Tour [HS]

Twenty Three*

Love On Tour

AN: remember to vote and comment <3

God my back fucking aches.

My eyes squint open in the bright room, finding my own reflection across from me immediately. Winnie is curled up against my chest, her body tucked in what looks like one of the most uncomfortable positions but she looks so peaceful.

Every exhale is so quiet that I couldn't hear her breathing. Her features displayed tranquillity but the memories of her pure panic and heartbreak flooded back to me pretty quickly. It shattered me seeing her in such a state of distress, I've never really witnessed a panic attack like hers before where she doesn't want the comfort, where she's afraid of being held because in the past it's used to hurt her.

The guilt of trying to hold her closer is still heavily weighing on my mind mixed with when I wanted to hold her hand in the hopes my touch would help and she immediately looked frightened and stepped away like I'd force her to do something she didn't want. It's all floating around in my brain and creating more thoughts that I don't like.

I just keep thinking about her past with Lucas and how much he hurt her, the fact that it took ten years for her to be saved from a toxic abusive relationship. It hurts even more knowing all that happened in the time I was gone. I didn't protect her like I should've as her best friend but instead turned my back because success of my own was around the corner and I selfishly chased that.

She'd tell me it's silly to think that way, that we couldn't be attached at the hip for the rest of our lives but we could've. Just think of the memories and chaos if I'd taken her on tour to begin with, I don't know if it would have even been possible but I should've tried for her. We couldn't spent the last ten years together... but I guess that would mean Romeo and Mabel wouldn't be here right now.

I guess they're the biggest and best thing that came from the past ten years, two beautiful little kids that I'm allowed to love. I've become a dad in a matter of weeks and I wouldn't change that for the world, I'll care and love for those babies for the rest of my life like they deserve no matter what. They deserve the absolute world and I'll give that to not only them but also their Mumma.

Winnie deserves so much more than she's been given and I'll help her create the family and life she wants and should have. With her curled silently in my arms I assess her gentle features. I know when she wakes there will still be lingering sadness and pain in her mind because it doesn't just go away that easily. She had a rough night, she was scared and she panicked, those emotions don't just evaporate overnight.

She woke up close to three and neither of the kids have woken up yet which is a plus, it gives me some time to sit here and relish in letting her sleep. I don't know what the time is now, for all I know it could be only an hour later and my body is just begging for a comfy surface to sleep on. My neck is aching from having it tucked down against her head, I assume I slept completely snuggled up with her.