On Tour [HS]

Forty Four

Love On Tour

Never tell a millionaire that they can buy presents.

Do you know how long it takes to wrap the number of presents an unhinged dad buys on the first birthday he spends with his child, especially when he has the money to afford absolutely anything our children could dream of? I couldn't even let him l help after he wrapped one and fucked it up, I wanted them all neat and perfect so he just sat opposite me and watched.

I won't lie, my oldest baby turning four made me cry in bed last night. Harry went to the toilet for all of ten seconds before I burst into tears remembering how tiny my little boy used to be and how quickly the time had flown by. I'll never be able to get any of it back. Harry came back into the room to find me sobbing my eyes out and immediately he was wrapping his arms around me in the hopes he could make me feel better.

We ended up snuggled in bed going through my large photo album fully dedicated to my Romy boy. Filled with pictures of my bump in the beginning, the maternity shoot my mum gave me in my bedroom just a week before I went into labour then it was the pictures of my tiny baby in the NICU. The ones of me holding him for the first time truly hurt a piece of my heart while healing it at the same time, in my eyes I can see there's a part of me that's destroyed from the abuse I endured. It's haunting.

Harry was in awe of how tiny our little boy once was, he's only had experience with Mabel – she was a small baby but nowhere near as little as Romeo. There are so many pictures, my dad made the album for me to cherish and I ended up falling asleep in Harry's arms as we looked through.

I felt so cosy melted into his chest, warm but propped up with the heavy photo album open on my thighs. My mind is unable to comprehend the love and care he forever exudes for me with so much ease, he cuddled me in bed all night long knowing the following day would bring me sadness even if our baby boy was nothing but happy.

Curled into the depths of his bare chest was where I found myself when I was awoken by the gentle creak of our bedroom door followed by the gentle patter of tiny bare feet on the hardwood. My lips quirked up into a smile, pretending to be asleep against my boyfriend's warm body when the bed dipped behind my back and a little body shuffled across.

"Mumma!" He whispers with excitement in his voice, carefully touching my shoulder in the hopes of waking me. "It's my birthday, Mumma! I'm four!"

With a large smile on my face, I rolled out of Harry's chest to peek up at him now tucked under the duvet with the cutest dimpled smile on his face and it widened when he noticed I was awake.

I pull him down into my open arms, embracing him tightly against my chest where he snuggles with a soft giggle. "Happy birthday my sweet baby." Leaving a kiss to the side of his head.

He was born in the early hours of the morning so technically he has already turned four, it would've been about this time however when I was wheeled down to the NICU to meet him for the first time after hours apart.