On Tour [HS]

Sixty Eight

Love
6 September - England

Having three children means lay-ins are completely impossible.

There's always one that insists on waking both Harry and I earlier than we'd like, whether it be Vienna crying until she's in my arms, Mabel babbling through the baby monitor to get her Daddy's attention or Romeo hoping to creep into the room silently and sneak into bed with us. I wake from the smallest movements while Harry could sleep through a storm without a care in the world, I envy his ability to snooze through anything but then if I needed him, he'd wake with ease – he confuses me.

On this occasion, my body is awoken rather abruptly, jolting into a sitting position so the duvet falls around my hips, feeling on high alert as our bedroom door creaks open loudly which also attracts the attention of Harry who despite being a heavy sleeper sits immediately bolt upright with caution. We've both been incredibly on edge recently, it's hard to relax even when we're unconscious.

After a day of being swarmed with messages from the unknown number, Peter, and then radio silence for a few days we're both unsettled. The texts I receive are strange and cryptic, the last one I got being a simple number twenty which left me confused – Harry taking my phone away to completely block the number but no matter how many times we do it, it magically manages to unblock itself and the messages continue.

My heart is hammering erratically, breathing heavily and I wonder if my spiral of panic has awoken my fiancé, his hand softly placed on my back as sweat beads down the back of my neck.

"...Mumma? D—Daddy?" A frail, anxious little voice fills the bedroom, hesitant and shaky and my heart instantly drops into the depths of my nauseous stomach.

Quickly, the soft orange glow of one of the bedside lamps illuminates the bedroom and instantly my eyes are landing on my baby boy standing anxiously in the bedroom door almost like he can tell his presence freaked me out from being awoken so quickly. The tears in his gentle brown eyes have my heart in pieces as my previous fear withers away into the bedsheets that I quickly climb from, not caring about anything else in the room as I make a beeline for my boy.

He's desperately clutching Ellie the Elephant to his chest as well as the picture frame of Eloise and I, the image of pure heartbreak to my soul – I wish I could wipe his emotions away and never have him feel anything negative in life.

I'm crouched on the floor in front of him within seconds, hearing the bed shifting behind me as Harry adjusts to being awake. "Hey Romy, what's the matter sweet boy? What are these sweet tears for?" My fingers instinctively begin to swipe the wetness from his inflamed cheeks, it looks like he's been crying for a little while only makes my heart clench – the thought of him sitting alone sobbing destroys part of my Mumma soul.

He chokes out a heartbreaking sob, looping his arms around my neck to bury his warm face into the crook of my neck. "M'heart's hurting, Mumma." His voice is muffled sadly into my skin, his small hands beginning to play with the ends of my hair to comfort himself while I hold him close to my body in the hopes I can heal his upset.