Vent book ( TW )

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Idk bro i just kinda felt like coming in here soooooooo yeah :,)

Life update ig?? Idfk rlly

A while ago Mimi (idk really how to refer to her like ex best friend? Childhood best friend?) she sent me a letter (like letter letter not like message r anything) where she apologised for not messaging me happy birthday and explained that she didnt wanna just say like "SOZ I MISSED UR BIRTHDAY BUT HAPPY BIRTHDAY" anyways, she also talked abt how she felt weird because before that we hadnt really spoken since like december, and she said that she understands we wont ever be the same because we went to different secondary schools and thats just the way it is. She asked some nice questions about checking that i was ok and stuff and ended the letter with smth like "and just remember whatever happens ill always care about you" and ima be fr i started crying. Like i thought she had forgot about me. I assumed it was just me being weird and still thinking about what we had as best friends but i wasnt. I still cant really believe it. She misses me. She still thinks of me. She CARES about me. I thought she moved on with her new friends. But she didnt. And for that reason i fucking love her (obvs not it a romantic way). Also she gave me some itzy photo cards and some cute stickers for my birthday (SHE KNEW I LIKED ITZY  LIKE YAYAYAYYAYA SHE DIDNT FORGET I EXISTED <33333) i honselty am so so happy she sent that because this girl made my whole childhood so happy and amazing. Also i responded to her letter through text and she responded to that aswell.I have so many little memories of her and random games we use to play and things we use to say. But i still miss her because we will never be the same. We have grown into different people now so i doubt another attempt at friendship wouldnt really work out so well, and that sucks. But its ok because we arent like on bad terms :DDD

And then theres erin..idk about her tbh. Like we aint on bad terms but i kinda resent her fir sime things. Like for example, her new friend mika ran up and hugged her the other day and idk it just bugged me because a year or two ago when i would use to do anything like that she would get all like idk . I understand that that may have made her uncomfortable and thats obvs ok and like i get that peole change but still it just like hurt kinda yk? Like what if its not that shes ok with it now what if its just me? Also she posted like a vid of that trend thing thats like "friends this year and last year" like the one with emojis represtning friends. And like i cant tell if i was even there at all or not like idk if i was the one person that she was friends with last year but not this year? Was i included as a friend for both years or was i not there at all because im not a close close friend anymore? Or anm i just so unimportant that she forgot about me? And shes bailed on me like twice in the last month neither of which were her fault but i just keep thinking like what if shes actually happy that she couldnt come?? 

Anyways ima go bc my keyboards being weird