Ok so if you read my most recent chapter on this book you will know that last night was just me complaining that i dont sleep enough. Well....after writing that i had a full on breakdown. Idfk what happened i just realised i had 2 pieces of homework due for the next day, was meant to have my clarinet (dont question my parents wanted me to learn to play it) fixed and i should have practiced it and then i had a fucking English exam on friday (this was monday night) and i have written a few useless quotes on a flashcard. Hooray. So logical thing to do? Try to do as much as i could with the time i had then just deal with it tomorrow. Yeah that was the LOGICAL thing to do. But what did i do? Sat on my floor and cried about how if I don't understand anything at my fucking school and why the actual shitting hell do i ever think i have a chance of becoming a author when i have no idea what im gonna do for a hecking English essay and at this point why does anyone even hang out with me. Then after all that happened the intrusive thoughts were like 'is this an invitation? Hell yeah it is' so for the next like 5-10mins i had about 10 voices inside my head telling me shit.
'Why do you even have friends at this point?'
'All you friends most likely hate you, i mean why wouldn't they, whats to like about you are your pathetic self?'
'What are you gonna do when u next have to wear something without long sleeves? You scars haven't fully faded yet so everyone will see them and think your a freak. And an attention seeker.'
'You are a freak and attention seeker, its a wonder you haven't been kicked out yet.'
'You don't deserve to be here. Everyone wishes you was never here.'
'Everyone you meet probably wishes the same.'
'Your such a bratty bitch, i mean you talk about people behind their backs alot. Your a bully. Also extremely toxic.'
'Why do you always vent to other people? They don't wanna listen to your shitty dramatic vents. Your just dumping your issues om them, they probably only say you can vent so you go away and they feel bad that your so stupid and pathetic.'
The voices wouldn't shut up. Like jesus be quiet. Anyways i turned off my lights and got into bed and just hoped they would go away. And they did. Whoop. Then I realised how much i hate myself, and how much i wish i was dead. I lay in my bed crying and just repeating the phrase "i wish i was dead." Im an atheist but I literally prayed to God to kill me in my sleep. I prayed to everyone i knew to die, i wished i was dead, gone, deceased. But I wasn't. And that sucked. I still wish i was dead now.
YOU ARE READING
Vent book ( TW )
General FictionSo basically i need to vent alot and i feel super bad venting to people (even with permission) bc i dont wanna dump my problems on others sooo im doing in here. Also just so yall know i dont have any mental health issues or anything im just a dramat...