Vent book ( TW )

Sooo yeah?? Update on my poor mental health??? TW: mentions of ed and sh

Hi. So basically ik i havent updated this in ages and im sorry for that but like i have free will. Anyways just bc i havent updated this much doesnt mean my menta health is amazing and im skipping away with a perfect life. Thats not happened. Its just im nearing the end of the school year so alot of stress and pressure has gone away. But basically ik its  weird but i dont seem to have the motivation to write in this as much. Like i have shit happeing and i just kinda...leave it?? Idk. But to keep on topic of my shitty mental health, here are quick rundowns of whats been going on while i havent been updating 😀

-i have 100% totally, without a doubt lost my "best friend" like there is no chance we will ever be what we were when we were younger

-i have basically lost another friends, but tbh we were only rlly like good friends for like a yr ish maybe?? Its just been very gradual and took a year but we legit only talk in tutor and even then we barley do anyways soooo yeah, didnt take her long to find new friends

-i have maybe sorta probs lost another friend. They moved schools and ik we said all the "call every week" and shit but i heard all that with previously mentioned "best friend" and did that work out? Nope

-i have very mixed feelings abt things (to do with one friend and a thingy we r doing) i may explain another time also another thing to do with that friend

-i hate one friend who recently decided to sacrifice her little chance of being a decent human being and is actually a demon from fucking hell

-i have got ✨more insecurites✨ (big nose and small lips)

-this person in the yr above me is so fucking gorgeous like genrally they r so fucking angelic thats like the only word that fits them. Angelic. I could rant abt them for actual hours. 

-i am over 100 days clean but every minior incident makes me contemplate doing it again and i have had sevreal mental breakdowns bc i wanted to do it but like also didnt but i needed to

-i felt so insecure of my stomach i briefly attempted to make myself throw up (it didnt work bc i realised i genrally hate gagging so much like it makes me wanna die its such a horrifc feeling i couldnt carry on)

-i realised my only comfort is kpop

-i realised i am a bullying bitch

-i kinda made two/three new friends and had possibly one of the best days of my life :D

Anddddd yeah. Very mixed list ikr.