Not giving up

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

Next morning, I wake up much earlier than usually. Loki is still fast asleep. I observe him for a few moments and the expression on his face makes me smile. He looks adorably peaceful and happy. I would even dare to say, his expression radiates pure serenity. Carefully, I lean closer and place a soft kiss onto his cheek, then quickly sneak out of the room.

A few months ago, I would probably stand stock-still in front of his door for an eternity, before I'd gather the courage to go in. I'm so glad those days are gone. Without any hesitation, I slowly open the door to prevent it from squeaking, then quietly close it behind me.

As I notice, Bucky's still fast asleep, I already turn around to walk away, but change my mind in the last moment.

I don't have to leave. I know what I want. I want to feel him close; I want to feel him next to me, I want to feel his touch. Gosh, I'm longing his touch like nothing else. And nothing can stop me from doing what my heart desires, what my soul craves for. And it craves for him.

I lift up the blanket and swiftly crawl under it to lay next to Bucky. And, as if he'd sense me there with him, he takes a deep breath in. The corners of his mouth slightly turn upwards into a tiny smile. I stare at his sweet face and gently brush my fingers up and down his metal arm, knowing that's one thing that won't wake him up.

I can still remember the times when he'd cover his arm in public and froze every time, I would touch it. But now, he's accepted it as it is, as a part of him. I can't stress enough how big of a relief this is, how happy that change in his attitude makes me. And finally, all those nightmares are gone. He's at peace with his past. This is all I ever wanted for him.

I tear up with joy. Just as if all those years apart never happened, just as if we are still the same happy married couple from twelve years ago, Bucky naturally puts one arm over me and pulls me closer. An appreciative sigh escapes his mouth. I close my eyes and breathe in his intoxicating scent.

He always smells like chocolate. And sometimes tastes like it, too.

A playful smirk plays on my lips. Once again, I look at his face. Even asleep and open-mouthed laying here next to me, he makes me feel things I use to feel only for Loki. The range of my emotions raging like a hurricane within me, is beyond my understanding.

All I want to do is hug him tight and cuddle with him in bed until the day turns into night and never let him go again. But at the same time, I wish for the same man to tear these clothes off me and claim me his in every way imaginable.

"Sounds like a perfect plan to me, sweetheart..." Bucky suddenly interrupts my flow of thoughts, more than happy about the unexpected sight of me lying next to him.

His deep and raspy morning voice stirrs my inner Wolf even farther. I give him a puppy look. "Gosh, did I just share...?" I squeak and burry my face in palms, not even finishing the sentence from embarrassment.

Bucky gently caresses my hair. "I'm glad you did," he smiles.

"I love you so much, honey" I breathe out, as if hardly awaiting to say it out loud.

"And I love you, sweetheart" he sighs as if relieved and props himself up. As he hovers with his face over mine, his eyes trace my blissful smile. Slowly, he leans down and plants a soft kiss on my lips. I close my eyes and enjoy the sensation, still finding it unreal that I get to kiss him whenever I wish, that I get to call him mine again.