Not giving up

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

We are staring at each other, my eyes welled up with tears. Neither of us wants to look away, as if we are, for one last time, taking in the details of each other's faces. I'm barely holding it together because my heart isn't ready to give him up. We remain silent, but are both screaming on the inside.

Reluctantly, Bucky lifts his hand up to my face, gently wiping away the tears that are still streaming down my cheeks with his thumb. His otherwise mesmerizing eyes are now a mirror of his inner struggle, they're crestfallen and full of doubts and remorse. Yet, I'm happy to notice a glimpse of hope in them as he once more gets overwhelmed by the feeling of pure and undying love radiating from me, a feeling that seems to silence his even most dark thoughts. Even if it's just for a brief moment this time.

Finding the comfort in his loving touch, I lean further into his palm, but he swiftly pulls it away and lowers his head in shame. I notice some tears forming in his eyes too and I can feel his heart aching. He's torn. More than ever. I know for sure that he doesn't want to leave, just as I don't want him to leave. But I have no idea what more to do or say to convince him otherwise. I simply can't understand why he's doing this and he refuses to explain. His words and actions are not in-sync with his feelings and it's making me angry.

Bucky takes another deep breath in before turning his back on me and walking away. Without looking back. And once again, I'm watching my loved one leaving. Once again, I'm not enough. Once again, I'm not worthy... This hurts more than I could ever imagine.

My breathing quickens and suddenly I feel an unbearable pain deep inside my chest. A yet unfamiliar type of energy starts to flow through my body, it almost feels like a thunderstorm is building inside me. My heart is about to jump out of my chest. What is happening to me?!

I can't breathe. Gasping for air, I close my eyes and collapse to my knees. All of a sudden I feel a powerful beam shoot out of me and its all-blinding light consumes everything around me. All I can hear is an ear-splitting sound that resembles that of an explosion.

For a brief moment, everything goes black and silent. I'm still trying to understand what's going on, but now my stomach starts to hurt. "NO!" I cry out and tightly hold onto it. My screams get louder and more desperate with the slowly increasing pain. "No, not the baby too!"

Loki jolts awake from the overwhelming and shocking dream. Completely disoriented, he looks around the room, but then sees me tossing and turning in my sleep. Gently he strokes my shoulder, trying to wake me up, but it doesn't work, I just keep murmuring "No" over and over again and can't stop sobbing.

Loki lays back down and carefully wraps his arms around me. "Everything is alright, darling. You are not alone. I'm right here..." he tries to come through to me. "My love?" I whimper in my sleep. "Take your time" he whispers softly, nuzzling against my cheek.

Loki's comforting voice seems to do its usual magic. Together with his reassuring presence and his loving touch, it manages to calm me down. I even actively respond to him by hugging him back while still asleep. "Mmm, minty..." I murmur before a blissful smile spreads across my face.

Loki chuckles, knowing exactly what those words mean. "I love you too, darling'' he whispers back. Somehow the effect he has on me still seems to surprise him, in a most delightful way though.

Suddenly Bucky storms into the room. He takes a short glance at Loki, but doesn't wait for his approval as he lays down on the other side of the bed, hugging me tightly. "I'll never ever leave you again, babe" he sighs desperately and simply ignores the fact that Loki is right there too.