For these past weeks, hindi ako lumabas ng condo ko. I only stayed in my house, eating my comfort foods and staying away to the media. Ni-hindi ko na nga binibuksan ang cellphone ko. This is all to protect my mental state.
"Mommy, ako na diyan." Kinukuha ko sandok sa kamay ni Mommy. Ako na ang magluluto. I don't want her to do this. Ayaw kong maging mabait sila sa'kin na in fact, ang dami ko ngang kasalanan, eh.
"Stop eating delivered foods. Magluto ka, Crest." She scolded.
"Are you angry with me too, mom?" This is all not just about the food. But something else.
"I'm never angry with you, you're my daughter after all. Maybe dissapointed? Yes."
"Mommy, I'm really sorry." Niyakap ko si mommy nang mahigpit. "I don't really mean to hurt Kuya Persiah."
All Kuya Persiah did was to always make me feel loved. But what did I do? I just hurt him in return. I should be ashame for what I did! Inagaw ko sa kaniya ang babaeng mahal na mahal niya!
"Nag-usap na kami ng kuya mo," mom started caressing my back. "Don't be so hard on yourself, anak.
I started crying.
Her words comforted me.
Wala nang iba pang lumabas sa bibig ko dahil napayakap nalang ako kay mommy.
I guess, I'd been really hard on myself. Hindi ko na nagagawa ang lahat ng gusto ko, hindi ko na rin naaalagaan ang sarili ko... All I did was to overthink about Kuya... And all the mess I had done.
"We're all worried for you. Even your brothers."
"Don't worry, mommy, I'm fine. I just look ugly right now but I'm really okay. Thanks for visiting." Sambit ko. "I really do appreciate you."
Napahiga kaagad ako sa kama ko nang mawala si mommy. Nasa dibdib ko ang cellphone ko... Nagdadalawang isip ako kung magrereply ba ako sa mga messages ni Alliana o hindi. Aaminin kong miss ko na siya. Hindi ko na kaya.
Nagdoorbell sa pinto. Walang alinlangan ko namang binuksan iyon.
And it was Alliana. I kept on ignoring her calls and texts and I'm not surprised that she's now standing in front of me.
Nakayuko ako.
Hindi ko kayang tingnan si Alliana sa mga mata. Hindi ko kayang iharap ang mukha ko.
"I came here to visit you."
"Yeah, I know," I raised both of my hands, sumusuko. "Thanks for visiting."
I let her inside. Nang makaupo kami sa sofa, kitang-kita ko sa mga mata niya ang pag-aalala. She shouldn't do that. Ako dapat ang mag-alala para sa kaniya. The fault is on me.
Why is she being this good, e ang dami kong kasalanan. Ang dami kong nasira. Dapat hindi siya nagiging mabuti sa'kin nang ganito.
"Kumain ka na?" Pinigilan ko kaagad siya nang tumangka siyang tumayo. Maybe she will be heading to the kitchen.
"No, don't do this." I smiled at her, telling her that I'm fine. "You don't need to worry about me. Ikaw nga dapat ang tanungin ko, okay ka lang ba?"
She gave me a smile. "Yes, I'm happy."
Ang ngiti niyang yan ay parang totoo. Hindi napipilitan at hindi pinipeke. She looks happy and at the same time, worried at me. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganiyan siya. She should hate me! I'm pretty sure that I ruined her career and I even ruined her relationship with kuya Persiah.
"I'm happy that you're happy... pero gusto ko paring mag-sorry sayo. Sa lahat ng mga nasira ko. I'll to stay away with you, I promised." Para wala na akong masira pa. Para wala nang may masaktan pa.
Umiba ang mukha niya sa sinabi ko. Na para bang hindi sumasang-ayon.
"I don't even care kung masira ako. I can say that I've never been happy like this before. I'm tired of hiding and being fake to myself."
I'm still anxious. Madaming what ifs at madaming iniisip. But Alliana seems so sure about what she's saying. Pinag-iisipan din ba niya ang mga sinasabi niya?
"What do you mean, Alli?" Sana mali itong iniisip ko. This is really a big risk for me, for the both of us.
"I wanted to give it a chance."
"Tutal, sirang-sira din naman tayo. Wala nang dapat pang pangalahagahan. Wala nang career na kailangang protektahan. We should love our lives to the fullest." This is the point where I understood what she was saying.
Nagkatitigan kami.
I can't help myself but to smile. After loosing this smile, ngayon lang ulit akong napangiti nang ganito.
"We have nothing to lose, Crest."
To be continued...
BINABASA MO ANG
Mga Hakbang Palayo Sayo
RomansaPinag-aagawan ng dalawang kambal si Alliana Acramonte na isang supermodel. The twins are both hot as hell. They're are handsome too. But in the end, she chose the twin's little sister eventhough she's not in the choices. Mas nainlove siya sa bunson...
