ready for it? • t. zegras

fourty four

trevor
I know you said you needed to think
but I can't give you space

trevor
I've never felt like this about anyone or
anything. I hate myself for being so so
so stupid

trevor
It was so stupid of me to even text her
back and I know that but she truly is a
friend and truthfully anything more that
happened with her was maybe a few over
the clothes shit but it's still something and
that's why i thought it'd hurt you and so i
didn't want to do that

trevor
But I did and keeping it a secret was the
absolute fucking worst part

trevor
Please
It's been two hours and I can't give you
space because I need to know what you're
thinking, I hate not knowing what you're
thinking

* * * * *

My comforter is ripped off of me, exposing me to the brightness of my room. Tilly stares down at me. Oh no. I was hoping it'd be Mira. Mira would comfort me. Tilly wants solutions.

"Laying in bed does nothing for you," she states.

I try to pull the comforter back over my head but she has a solid hold on it. "Yes, it does."

"You're not a laying down and rotting thinker," Tills says. "You have to be doing something to think. You can't avoid thinking about it."

"Sorry, didn't realize you're such a relationship expert. With your secret non-boyfriend and all that," I snap.

She doesn't even flinch. "I know you don't mean that. You're not mad at me. You're mad at him. Avoiding thinking about that anger for him will only make it worse. That's human relationships, not even just romantic ones."

"Tell me I'm not being dramatic," I beg. Honestly. I beg her to reassure me. I beg one of my best friends in my entire life to tell me I'm not proving the ghosts right.

"You're not being dramatic," she says. It should be believable. There are no more than three people who know me on the same level as Matilde Torres. That knows the haunting that happens.

But it's not believable. "I am."

"Do you want me to hit you?" She asks and it's very believable that she would.

"Why would he do this?"

"Because boys are dumb. They're like puppies. They don't see consequences until they happen." Tilly shrugs and sits on the edge of my bed. Her hand rubs calming circles on my wrist. "They'll be so cute when they're excited and loving on you. And then they chew up your favorite pair of shoes and you have to discipline them and then they look at you with those eyes and you wish you didn't have to.

"But you have to. Or else they'll never learn." She nods, satisfied with her analogy.

"Some puppies don't learn," I whisper to try and fight off any voice cracks from the dam building up in my eyes.

"How do you know yours won't?"

It's a bad shrug because I'm lying down. Then slowly, but surely, a crack sprouts in the dam. And the water grows stronger. The crack grows and splinters off to spread across the entirety of it. Then the entire thing crumbles. The tears burst out.

Tilly is collapsing on top of me in a hug. Her hand strokes my hair out of my face. She whispers the most sweet nothings she can muster. They aren't much, nothing extravagant, since it's still Tills. But they help. I wonder if the girl he saw tonight felt a similar way about Trevor at one point or another. I wonder how many tears and comforts he's been the cause of. Has he learned?

* * * * *

I woke up pressed between Tilly and Mira. The two complained every time we did this in any of our tiny dorm beds that it was too much touching. Yet, here we are, with plenty of space and they're both right next to me. I think Mira's hair made it into my mouth at one point.

"Yo," a deep voice says. I nearly scream since it is not a voice I know. A tall, blonde guy peeks his head into my room. "I, uh, Matilde told me to bring breakfast and coffee so I did."

No way. No fucking way.

"Mystery guy?" I ask.

He smiles and blushes. "Yeah. That's me."

"His name is Nick," Tilly mutters out with her eyes still closed.

"Holy shit!" I gasp and smack her as hard as I can manage without how tightly packed we are. "We're meeting the most iconic hookup of your life? And we're— He brought us breakfast and coffee at your demand?!"

She shoots up and out of the bed, sparing me a quick glare. "Seeing as how he's my boyfriend? Yeah. He did it on my demand."

"More of a request," Nick corrects.

"It was a demand," Tilly says. We all know it was probably a demand.

"What breakfast?" I ask as my stomach grumbles. Did I eat dinner last night? Jamie came over and there were some snacks but I don't think I ever actually ate.

"A few things," Nick says. "Including a very chocolatey muffin."

"Can we keep this guy around?"

* * * * *

5 People

trevor
I need help
What the fuck do I do
She won't even read my messages
I sent them last night
ITS NOON

mira
maybe you should've thought of that
before doing something dumb

sunny
what's going on

tilly
shit we forgot to tell spence

jamie
Z's an idiot

sunny
well fucking duh

tilly
HA

trevor
Dude

mira
don't you dare say sorry sun he
deserves worse

Jamie named the conversation "Trevor's An Idiot"

mira named the conversation "trevor sucks"

tilly named the conversation "fuck trevor zegras"

trevor
Okay guys
Thanks I get it
We already knew I got it

tilly
not even mystery man who thought you
were cool thinks we should help you

sunny
MYSTERY MAN?? BEING BROUGHT
UP BY TILLY??

mira
they're official now

jamie
Congrats!

tilly
thanks jd

trevor
Is she super mad at me?

tilly
worse
she's super fucking sad
you dick

trevor
Should I come over?

mira
NO
absolutely not
no one wants to see you

jamie
I think you should do the thing she
asked and give her space
Y'know, let her come to you when she's
ready?

trevor
It's killing me

mira
it's the best choice for both you and her

sunny
is anyone going to update me
guys?
hello?
guys?

sunny
okay fuck all of you
i'm gonna ask tenner

tilly
DONT YOU DARE
do not set her off
we got her chocolate and she's at a
momentary peace

sunny
THEN EXPLAIN
i will literally venmo u 10 dollars

tilly
deal.
i'll text you