Teach Me

Safe Place

   Y/N awoke in the middle of the night, she was still wrapped in Cates arms. Right where she wanted to be. When her therapist had asked her previously to picture her safe space, she pictured it right here, in Cates arms.

   She told her therapist it was a cafe with a good book but... she did lie to her therapist. Her therapist didn't want her safe space to be another person but if she was honest. It was. It was never a place. It was a person. It was Cate. Cate.

   She smiled to herself. It's ironic how she spent all that time in therapy, talking about the very person who made her feel safe. She was the main reason she went, to get over her. Therapy helped her with many things and gave her a lot of useful skills but with Cate... it never did.

   Every-time her therapist would say "go to your safe place"... it was Cate. As odd as it sounds. When she found herself nearly inconsolable over her, she ran to her in her head. Her therapist was no dummy, she picked up on it a few times.

   She would catch Y/N's lips curling or maybe she'd bite her lip and this signaled to her therapist that she was with someone. That someone, being Cate. Each time, her therapist would ask "is there someone there?" Y/N would just nod "no" but her therapist always knew.

   "You can't seek comfort from the person who hurt you" her therapist would say. Then, Y/N's smile would drop. She would remember why she was there. She would feel the betrayal again and again. She was never over her. She was always still in love with her, immensely so.

   So when Cate had told her she never cheated on her, she just wanted to start things up again. Right there. But she couldn't. Cate was hurt and she had every right to be. Y/N had acted like a child and she hurt the most important person to her. She promised to herself that she would make it right.

   Right here, right now... it felt right. It all felt right. We might as well have found world peace with how right the universe felt. She wouldn't be able to tell the difference. She stared at Cate, lying next to her. She wondered how it felt for her. Did it feel right to her too? Was this what she wanted or was this closure?

   She decided not to think about it. She just watched her sleep. She was the most beautiful thing Y/N had ever seen. She was breathtaking. She always was breathtaking but right now... fully exposed, with a smile on her mouth. She looked so peaceful, like an angel. Not a biblically accurate one... yikes. But angelic. Sent from the heavens, from the gods. Perfect.

   She studied her lips. The way they curved up and twitched. She wondered what she was dreaming about. Was it her? Did she dream of her the way she did? Was she reliving the night they shared? Was she dreaming of another?

   A vast expanse of nothing but time. Was she dreaming of this with Y/N? Y/N smiled, thinking about it. Her memory bringing back the first night they had ever spent together. Cates dream. The noises she made. Were they about her? Was she dreaming of her even then?

   She felt as if this woman had been a part of her forever. As if she was ingrained in her skin, walking with her and experiencing what she did. She felt a pit in her stomach. Worry and fear, flooding.

   Not a fear of Cate loving her but of her loving Cate. Cate had the power to break her, to ruin every shred of hope she had. All she had to do was say it was over or that it was only tonight. She did say that. She told her it was only tonight.

   Y/N didn't believe her, though. She needed to hear it again. She needed her to look her in the eyes and tell her she didn't feel what she felt, that she didn't love her and that it was over. Then and only then would she believe it was true.

   Denial? Maybe.

   Y/N's heart beat started picking up as Cate sighed and nuzzled into Y/N's chest, wrapping her body around Y/N's like a koala. Her skin, melding with hers once again. Playing god, creating the most perfect of all feelings. The most perfect creation. Other than Cate.

   She quickly fell asleep again, Cate in her arms.

   The next morning, Cate opened her eyes and Y/N was already looking into hers. Cate jumped a bit. Not out of fear necessarily, she just wasn't expecting that kind of intensity first thing in the morning. She forgot how it felt to wake up next to Y/N. The way she always stared at her. It was beautiful and endearing.

   "Good morning" Cate said with a raspy voice. "Good morning... have I ever told you how much I love your voice in the morning?" Y/N asked. Cate looked at her, genuinely taken back. "Y-my voice?" She smirked. "Yeah, it's always raspy and strained... I love it" she felt a rosy hue form across her nose and cheeks.

   Cate smirked, biting her lip. There was a silence. Neither one knowing what was being said in it. Cate just looked at Y/N. Her eyes were puffy. They always were in the morning. Cate loved that. It was adorable. "Your eyes"  Cate said.

   "My eyes?" Y/N laughed. "Yeah, they're puffy in the mornings" she said. Y/N looked embarrassed. "Oh" she said. "No no" Cate grabbed her face. "I love them. I love your puffy eyes" Cate leaned in and kissed them.

   "I- I love you" Cate said, caressing her face. "I never stopped loving you" she said. "Cate, I've never stopped loving you either" Y/N's smile grew as Cate stared into her eyes. "Well, this.... Is going to be something" Cate laughed.

   "Is it?" Y/N looked at her as to ask if she wanted anything more. "Yes. If I have anything to do with it. It'll be something" Cate laughed. Y/N did too. "What are we going to do?" Y/N asked. "Well, I'll tell you what I'm going to do..." Cate leaned in, kissing her.