HIS DRUG| 2

24.

Decisions.

Why did I have to fuck up?

Again, that is.

I don't understand, but her pain is transferring to me and to be honest, it's scary. I have never seen her this angry in the short amount of time I've been back and it hurts to know that I, once again, caused that anger and pain.

She's probably right; I really should just leave them alone, 'cause ever since I came back shit has been going south and I really thought I'd be able to fix it.

But jah know.

God alone know seh mi nuh know weh fi start.

why not with an apology?

As much as how expressing how deeply sorry I am would be a good start, I know that won't change anything because in the end of it, she'll still be upset and still will hate me.

She said it her self... suh a simple sorry cyaa fix not one fuck.

But like it or not, I will not give up until she forgives me. Even if I'll have to give up whatever I have left, so be it. 'Cause being without her is one thing, but with a child involved is a whole different situation.

All I know is that I need to fix this.

I need to earn back her trust and love.

Mi cyaa live knowing mi fuck up such a good thing and neva even try fi get it back, a nuh my style that.

jah jah God.

mi nuh know eno bro, she seems really hurt and yuh can tell she mean everything because she neva stutter nor break eye contact.

Well— if yuh nuh try, nut'n nah can gwaan fi yuh don't?

Still standing in the same position she left me, I hiss my teeth loudly, her words finally seeming to register in my brain.. and it pains even more as I reminisce about her.

"yuh need fi man up and start take your responsibilities more serious."

"mi done wid you and this relationship bredda."

"I will raise my child on my own, just like what I've been doing before you came and fucked it up."

"mi hate yuh and mi nuh want yuh in a me nor Kiehlani's life."

Like a salt mi mada bathe mi in a when she have mi 'cause me one cyaa full up a suh much crawsis.

The midday breeze blows and hits my skin, causing me to fold my arms and fix my sweater on my body.
Noticing the door is left open, I move to enter the house but as soon as I am about to do so—

"Wright's Residence On Lockdown."

I suck my teeth and glare at nothing in particular, getting even more pissed.. at myself. If I didn't fuck up, she wouldn't have locked me out.