Snowflakes

Who am I?

I don't know.
That would be the perfect sentence for an incomplete psychopath human being.

When you REALIZE the fact that you, showing who you really are is not yet worth it to be accepted and be entirely trusted is really painful. It's like, no matter what you do, no matter how much you show, no matter how much you try, even if it's everything, it's not yet enough. When I hear those words, it feels like, being who you are is low and incomplete. Every day, every week, you ask yourself,"what's wrong with me?" I tried to cut myself the other day, I spilled half a juice box. Bloody tissues everywhere, really. That's all I could do nowadays.

The reason why some people keep their secrets in a box of regrets, is because, when you speak it out loud, people would judge you, would look down on you, would get disgusted by you and especially, lose their trust.

You may say,"move on" but there are those people who just can't. They might have moved on before. But moving on is not just about giving up the questions and problems that are popping up. Moving on is also like giving up on something so special. The things that are special are the ones that fills our mind with questions of why, why now, what happened?, until it creates a huge tree of questions over your head.

When you told me that your trust for me is disappearing, have you ever thought that maybe I might think that being myself is not enough? Have you ever thought that I might think that I'm incomplete just by showing everything about me? Maybe you did but how about my feelings?

I can't move on because I don't like getting use to it. In the end of everything, people would always leave and sometimes, they would leave you by yourself regretting about some stuff.

If I were them, before I leave, I would like to make that person smile. I like people smiling but I can't seem to make them smile.

I started to think about dying because even me, myself, I don't trust anymore.
Why did I even exist? What was my purpose. To live of to die? In the end, I'd die anyway. WHO would care.

I have to die sooner or later