Snowflakes

17 years

December 18, 1998

"Once again I write to you
The sun is shining the sky is blue
And all I do is sit and think.....
Only about you without a blink

The days pass and the nights yearn
From all that has happened I wish I could learn
That life isn't always what you desire
It leaves you lost in flames of fire

You see your day and see it through
Knowing what I'm writing is all so true
You ignore the meaning of all of this
Thinking that I'm being childish

I've tried to ignore I've tried to forget
But all I see is the first time we met
I don't know why this happened to me
Maybe it's a dream, pinch me and see

All I request is a closing chapter
Meet me for 5 don't let me wonder
All I want is for you to reflect on
Whether I lie and this is for fun

Hopefully you'll find the answer is no
That this for me isn't a show
Don't forget the moments we had
The day you left I was sad"

That was a poem about friends.
I gave it a tune and performed it.

When I held that 6 stringed instrument,
I took a peek of you.

You had that cold eyes.
We fought because of me.
Because of what I did.
I left you alone that day.
It was a mistake.

You had that face.
A face that says,
"Don't leave me here."

I was only thinking about myself.
But what about you?

I blamed myself all day and all night
I led our relationship into a fight.
During that night.
I lost my sight.

On the next day,
You ignored me.
I felt nothing but guilt.
I thought that THIS
Would happen again.

I'll lose you again.
I started to think that
Maybe it's better if I die rather than hurting those people I love.

I held onto a cutter.
I stroked it out.
Level by level
till it showed its
Silver sharped corner.

My heart wasn't beating fast.
Nothing was going to stop me.
Only you. It's you who could.
You weren't there because I wasn't
There for you.

I folded my sleeves up.
I pointed the cutter on the side wrist
Of my right arm.

I pushed it deeper.
When it reached the other side.
I can see pure blood running through
The path of my green veins.

I wasn't crying.
I wasn't regretting.
I wasn't feeling my right hand
At that point.
I can feel the breeze on my neck.
It started to turn blur.

I wasn't sure if it was me or not.
I tripped down when I ran to the nearest toilet.
I broke my knee.
And I closed my eyes.
I saw you.
I saw your smile.
The smile that I lost.
The smile I wished to protect.
I broke it.

My heart started to
Pound.
It pounded 4 times
when you were in my sight.
I closed my eyes.
I saw nothing.
Nothing but
Red.

I was dreaming that time.
I remembered how we used to stay
In our usual spot.
How we used to share our secrets.
How played together.
I remembered how you cried
In front of me.
I loved you so much.
So much more that I didn't have a space in my heart for me.
I loved everyone except myself.

I woke up all of the sudden.
It was night. No one was there.
I said your name
out-loud while crying.
I looked at my wrist
and wished that
You were here.

I stood up,
Cleaned my wrist
and the cutter.

I took a towel and removed the blood stains on the floor.

I went out for a bit.
I went to the mall.
The mall where we actually go to.
I walked around and waited for time
To reach midnight.
I bought an ice cream.
And you used to buy me one.

I thought of passing by your house before I go home.
Your house was near anyway.

You were sitting on the left side of my view in the balcony.
Painted with green and white and blue.
Suddenly remembered my old school.

You were spacing out.
I called out to you
And you threw a paper at me.

It said,"let's stop. Let's just stop this.
I don't want to be friends with you anymore. I need you but I don't want you. I don't want to cause you trouble
And when you left me, I thought I became a burden. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. Goodbye."

When you said "goodbye",
I remembered my past.
The one I lost.
When I looked up,
You went inside and
closed the window.

I ran into your building,
It was like the 9th floor.
Your building
was small.
It took me 2 minutes to reach your door.
I knocked and started to deny the letter.

It was silent for a moment, I hear your breathing. I can remember it clearly, breathing 13 times.
You opened the door and looked at me
With a mighty face.
Your eyes were broken with tears.

I was nervous for a sec.
I jumped onto you, and kissed you.
You pushed me away, closing the main door of your house.
You were covering your face.
I looked around.
Full of beers.
Full of me.

I stood up and pulled you up.
I dragged you in your room and pushed you down. I kissed you.
So much more. And more.
I wanted you to hear my words.
It was a mistake leaving you.
You were amazing,
Stunning,
Funny,
Crazy,
You make me laugh without
even saying a word.

You cried so much more.
Yet, you were happy.
I want you to
maintain that smile.

I can hear your breathing.
Your warmth.
I can feel your pain.
I stopped and sat down.
I was saying sorry.
I'm sorry for leaving you behind.

You said, " I just didn't know what to do when you left me."

It was 7 in the morning.
You were laying beside me.
You opened your eyes and kissed me.
I kissed you back.
When I sat down and walking into the bathroom, I saw my face, drawn in a moustache.
I got pissed and took a pen and drew the same thing in your face.
You were smiling so much that I continued.
I said, "I love you"
You said the same thing.

We both prepared because we had
College on the line.

-
The poem was made by Aisha Storm Strickler
(not sure if it's the real name)

*a different story tho :3