Society | A Evan Lennon Story

24 - Society

Barrett

I'm standing at the school gate with Zamora while we wait for Bella, who's supposed to be meeting us here to put our plan to hopefully help Evan into action. It's not entirely safe and it's definitely reckless, it was thought of through pure desperation and carelessness and maybe a little bit had to do with sleep-deprivation because we stayed up until about 4 in the morning coming up with it. But we were hopeful. I yawn as Zamora speaks, her voice groggy and tired. "What if the headmaster catches us?" She asks.

I look over at her. "That's what we want, isn't it? To get his attention?"

"I mean, yeah. Obviously. But this is stupid, right?"

"Yeah, it is, but it's for Evan." She huffs and looks away, into the empty school. We had to come here super early to do what we had to, so we only got an hour of sleep. I watch her intently. I can't see her face but I know she's overthinking. "Look," She looks at me. "If you don't want to do this anymore, I get it-"

She shakes her head. "No. I want to do this for Evan." She says with a slight nod. I nod, then I look to my left. Bella approaches us and despite the sunglasses she wore, I can still see just how tired and irritable she is. She holds a tray of coffees in her hand and a duffle bag in the other, hanging off her bent arm.

"Hey." I say.

"Hey." She says, her voice is exasperated and I don't blame her. She holds the tray out to us.

"Thanks." I say as I take a coffee, then Zamora does the same. Bella hums in response and places the tray down on the picnic table next to us and she takes her coffee. "You got the stuff?" I ask and she doesn't respond, she just holds up her arm to show the duffle bag. I nod and take a sip of my coffee and I feel not so tired, just barely. I'm first to sit down. I sit on top of the table, then Zamora sits on the bench followed by Bella, both on either side of me. I look out to the sky, which consists of oranges, yellows, and purples. It was quite beautiful, the sun peaking from the colorful clouded sky, the trees aligned perfectly, so that it brought more attention to the sky and the school building itself was just in view that it looked photogenic, like the images you'd only see on Pinterest or on a postcard. If I wasn't so tired, I would have taken my phone out to capture such a beautiful view, that's something I'd do on the regular, but I was just so damn tired.

"Has anyone talked to Celeste since the fight?" Bella asks.

I look down at her, then down at the cup I held in my hands, letting the warmth of it comfort me in a way that makes me feel warm inside. I shake my head. "No. She's silent." I say, the tone of my voice and my unrelenting expression making it seem like I despised her, but that wasn't true. I love Celeste and I miss her, despite the almost overwhelming amount of disappointment I feel when I think of her.

"Does she know about what we're doing?" Bella asks and I shake my head. "That's probably a good thing."

I nod. "Yeah..." I say. I'm not sure whether she'd go to the headmaster about this or not, not since the argument. I'm not sure I know who she is anymore. God. That probably sounds dramatic and like a terrible thing to say about one of your best friends but it was true. I really didn't know anymore.

"Well," My attention shifts over to Zamora. She's standing now and she's looking at us. "You guys ready?" She asks, her over-the-top exhilarated personality returning to her, which I haven't seen in a while.

"Yeah." I say as I step onto the bench then down onto the pavement. "Let's do this."

Evan

I stare up at the ceiling in a sort of daze. I hear the muffled sounds of my parents talking downstairs, I can't make out any words but I don't have to to know that they're talking about me. I can't bring myself to care anyway. I know it'll only bring me down. I lay there a moment longer before I force myself onto my feet. I walk over to my desk and sit down. I sit there for several moments before I turn on the light that sat in the corner of my desk. I huff and open to a random page to my notebook that laid in front of me and I take a pen from where I kept my various pencils, pens, and markers in a bucket-type holder. I click it and start writing my thoughts and feelings down in a slow manner. Mum, dad, Kate. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the problems I've caused and the reputations I've ruined. I didn't want it to come to this but I can't pretend that things will get better, that they'll change. I know you'll never believe me and that's fine.. I've come to terms with that. It's the pain I feel that brought me to this decision. Knowing you'll read this and regret your actions, your decision, your words, hurts me in ways I can't express but a part of me will feel better that you'll finally believe me about that night and if you didn't then that's fine too. I pause when I see droplets soak the page in places. I bring a hand to my face and wipe my tears away, then I write again, but it's coming out sloppier now. I'm tired of feeling like my only purpose in life is to relive the assault, to feel the way I did.. disgusting, overwhelmed, depressed. I was angry and disappointed in myself that I let such a thing happen to me. I was embarrassed. I don't want you guys to blame yourselves. This isn't your fault. I just want to be at peace and the only way I know how to feel that way is if I stop feeling anything at all, forever. I love you. Goodbye. I quickly wipe my face again and I fold the paper and shove it into my pocket, so they can hopefully find it later.