Sinner

Chapter 10

Ryan's POV:

Ashley's and my laughter slowly dies down into a comfortable silence. Well, not that comfortable for me since my dick and my foot are throbbing with pain. At least it's slowly fading away.

"Tomorrow we'll start your workouts. Today we need to go to Walmart for your things. But first, I think it's best to head back to our apartments to get cleaned up" I say.

"Good idea" Ashley replies and we head to the elevators. I hit the up arrow and immediately elevator doors opens.

We step inside and I hit a button with a 4 on it since we live on the fourth floor. The elevator shoots up and soon we reach the fourth level. We step out of the elevator and I walk Ashley to her apartment. Outside her door I say "I'll be back in an hour."

"Alright" she says and smiles, I notice that she has a really pretty smile.

I then continue to walk past her door to get to my apartment. Four doors down from Ashley's is my apartment. I put my key in the door and unlock it. Then I step inside to one of the identical apartments. A lot's going through my head currently and I decide the best thing would be to take a shower. I head into my bedroom and strip from my sweaty clothes. Then I turn on the shower.

After testing it to make sure it's the perfect temperature, I step inside. The hot water immediately makes me feel better and relaxes my sore muscles.

It is here that I let my mind drift to Ashley.

I can't believe I was dumb enough to let the word "love" slip out of my mouth. I go from one second of wanting to kill Ashley then to another of desiring her. I can't deny the pull of electricity that was alive between us before we kissed. Ashley felt it too. But love? This isn't love.

My subconscious snickers at me "Then what is it Ryan?"

The truth is I don't know. I guess the best thing to do is wait and see how our relationship develops.

But it's more complicated than that. There's Arden.

I fully accept that Ashley is not guilty of killing her. Ashley made me realize that. She was as involved in this situation as much as I was. A bystander who had to witness a horrific event with no control over it. I assume Ashley had heard the news of the bomb going off just like I had, stuffed away at our H.Q.s.

Arden and I had just broken up before she went out to capture some of the S.I.N.S.'s agents, going right into their trap when the bomb went off.

It was just hard to be in a relationship when the two of us were under constant pressure to not only complete a mission, but survive it. She was the brains of our team, and we were both the same level in our combat skills. But sometimes her brain got on my nerves, she wasn't one to miss an opportunity to show how smart she was. "Unlike Ashley" my subconscious remarks.

So we fought a lot in our relationship, but I always loved the beautiful, smart, talented Arden. Even after we broke up. That's why neither of us could bear to go on the same mission fresh after breaking up, so I stayed safe inside the H.Q., away from any bombs, and Arden ended up dead.

The pain I felt from not being the one in the detonation zone of the bomb was unbearable. When I brought Ashley in it was too easy for my mind to blame her....

Standing here in the shower, I start to realize the current issue. Is it too soon to move on from Arden? I know I never stopped loving her. But Ashley is slipping under my skin quickly.

Being one of the best interrogators of the Agents of Secret Stuff, I'm good at judging people. I can tell from the short period I've known Ashley that she doesn't flaunt her brains. I assume that when she's ready for missions, that will be the time where her brain will come in handy.

She has a side that Arden doesn't- didn't- have. She's playful. And the way she's stood up to me is admirable, even from my point of view.

I suddenly find myself smiling thinking about her. I can't deny it. I like her. A lot.

I start to think that even if Arden was alive, we wouldn't be together now. We just weren't compatible as boyfriend and girlfriend. Do I still love this dead girl? Even the hot shower water can't clear my head enough to answer this question.

I sigh and figure I've been standing still in the shower long enough, so I start to shampoo my hair.

I start massaging my scalp and then a realization hits me. I let Arden go before she died. I was ready to move on, and so was she. I guess if she was alive now, I would look to her like a good friend would. I would love her but not like a relationship love, like a "I'm a really good friend and I would do anything to help you" love.

I start rinsing the shampoo out of my hair, my head almost clear.

I am ready to be with Ashley now. It might come as a shock to Traci, Ashley, or even myself, but I was ready the day I let Arden go.

Now I have to wait and see how Ashley feels.