A Bridge Over Troubled Waters

Dancing on the Razor's Edge (6, 7): Talking to My-Selves

#6 "A Curious Interview"

It Only Hurts When We Laugh

[Yes: as strange as it sounds, I interviewed myself.  I'll try to edit this entry as little as necessary to properly format it.]

"Hello?  Um, the problem with being myself is that there's scant difference between The Voice and The Echo.  Or perhaps that's a convenient lie that I tell myselves [sic].  We have a name, you know.  As in one.  As in singular.  Blame that on God, I suppose.  I can't take credit for an idea that simplistically brilliant.  Oh, I can be brilliant.  It's just a very complicated brilliance.

"Where to begin?  At the beginning, I suppose.  Beginnings are traditional that way.  Except when they're boring.  Boring!  Is this a hangover?

"Or just a mild form of melancholy?  Perhaps neither, I suppose.  Apropos, I suppose -- if that there's the right term.  Moving right along.  I mean, how to tell a tale that started before you were born?  You see, my family started long before I came along.  Not even a vacuum exists in a vacuum; just ask any astronomer.

"Twenty-seven and a half acres.  'Go outside! We have twenty-seven and a half acres!'  True, Ma Ma [sic].  And I have a few of them that were my favorite.  And a few of them that were 'our' favorites.   You see, I thought at the time that there were just two of of [sic] us, of me.  A boy and his ghost.  It's arguably quite convenient to [be] haunted by oneself.  Rather efficient, I might add.

"Like the proverb goes, 'Wherever you are, there you're at!'  Ha.  They have no idea.  Or is it, 'Wherever you go, there you're at?'  Same difference, I suppose.  Six of one.  Half dozen of the other.  Unless you're counting in base eight; a little 'erudite??' humor for the mathematically inclined.  (Just looked it [erudite] up.  Eh.  Mildly appropriate.)

(Sigh.)  "Bunny trails.  Bunny trails with no rabbits on them.  I'm bored.  Tired too.  Signing off for now.  Catch you on the flipside.

"Wait.  Backtrack over the transcript.  Ack!  'Wherever you go, there you are.'  Methinks.  The weather...?  Overcast.  I actually like days like this.  Familiar.  Comforting.  Like a favorite blanket, I suppose."

#7 "Frostbitten Where?"

Ode to a Midnight Stroll

One problem with this "brave together" challenge:

You all challenged people like me to tell the general public the TRUTH about things that most people do NOT want to know!

Q: Why are so many "mentally ill" individuals in America's prisons?  Do we Americans honestly want to deal with, um, "those people?"

If the police ever pick me up again, then they'll probably take me straight to a hospital's emergency room — instead of jail.

I couldn't blame them.  (Hint: don't go stark: at night: during the wintertime: rather not worth it.)  And if you knew where I was headed, then you'd laugh your butt off.  We can't have that!  Somebody might trip over it!

There are numerous jokes one could tell right now.  Thing is, they'd be illegal in every State of the Union.

Except Alaska.

Y'know...  You Alaskans are some truly disturbed people...

What with your strange habit of sticking your heads into iceboxes to cure heatstroke . . . in February.  (Hey!  I've kin in Alaska!  If you think I'm weird...) 🙄

The Flip Side

The flip side of this is that when some people wander off during inclement weather, they can suffer serious injury.  I seemed at the time not to have suffered serious injury.  However, I later developed foot problems.  At the time, the soles of my feet started to turn black.

Note: Concerning my calamity, all Blackfeet Indians and African Americans may now laugh until you untie your bellybuttons.  Come on!  I earned it!  Sock it to me, people!  (Some of us white-folk really do take our cosplay far too seriously...)

Stop!  Enough!

Grape stomper union members?  Your turn!

Thank you, thank you.  You are all too kind.  I don't plan on doing an encore performance.  Ever.

Fortunately, the police let me borrow a jacket.  And somebody in a passing car referred to me as "The Terminator."

Governor Hasta La Vista Arnie Baby?  Sorry about upstaging you, Dude!

Not surprisingly, most of my recovery was done in a professional psychiatric institution.

Now if only I can remember which one...  (Hmm.  Maybe my cerebral cortex suffered freezer burn.)