Barely edited 26 October 2023. [12/11/2023] [12/22/2023]
***
To better face the future, I'll have to start capping my past.
#1: My family.
I'm not a child anymore, yet I am every boy -- and every man -- that I have ever been.
And perhaps that is the biggest lie that I have ever told myself. As well as one of my greatest moments of truth.
Talk about a tactical paradox.
Nonetheless, I love my family and they love me. I hope that I can deal with that.
#2: Trump.
Fact: right now, we are no direct use to each other. Nor are we a direct threat to each other.
Right now, about the only way for me to deal with him, and my conflicted emotions concerning him, is as follows:
Pray.
So [sic] I give Donald Trump to God and God's angels. And that's not a bad plan.
#3: My age.
I am in the autumn of my life. My summer is long spent, and winter is approaching with the tenacity of a ravenous wolfpack. So...
I can wait to get frostbite, or I can dedicate myself to train for the Winter Games!
For today, how about I content myself with simply feeding that wolfpack?
#4: My regrets.
This last Spring, I came to a realization:
Suppose that I had been sentenced to 20 years for anything that I did (or failed to do) during my military days, followed by 10 years probation [sic]. Just suppose.
Then I would've been free and clear for a year or more.
As for my greatest shame since the military, that was about 19 years previously. As in almost 20.
Hmm. Isn't there a concept known as "statute of limitations?"
Besides, my living situation -- financial and otherwise? My status in my community?
Even if I had served the entire 30 year [sic] sentence, then all of it it [sic] would've have been nearly identical. My life. My friends. My reputation. I could be an ex-convict. I could even have a felony record.
And my life would've been nearly identical to my then present reality. Wow. What a revelation!
And all of the taxpayer money actually spent on me? Well, it would've cost a lot more if I had served both a prison sentence plus probation. Plus [sic] I would've faced the same medical problems -- both mental and physical.
Perhaps... Perhaps I should set myself free from the cage that I had constructed in my own imagination. As I've written previously:
"Pardons are for the guilty."
And I am as guilty as sin. And my God is in the business of reconciling sin. I do believe that I can live with that. But here's another truth:
It won't be easy. Yet it's A-Ok [sic] to actually, and honestly, like myself!
As for "loving" myself? Well, that's kinda [sic] a work in progress! Keep you posted!
Maybe. :)
Macbeth Raymondovich
Catch you on the flip side! I hope. Anyway, that's the plan.
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A Bridge Over Troubled Waters
SpiritualDear Reader: You are precious, priceless, and irreplaceable. In the entire history -- of the entire universe: In the history of all Eternity... There has been, and ever will be, only one you. Herein are opinions, observations, and things autobiograp...
