Coffee n drama

Dreams or love?

"No. You don't get it! This is what I worked for. I can't let it go. I can't let this opportunity go."

He stands there glaring at me. I trust him with all my heart and I know he means well but this is my decision. My professional life is separate from my private life and he just doesn't seem to understand that.  We both are the same field but he started off with a good family. He got direct roles without much effort other than practicing his acting. I had worked hard for the smallest roles and I don't blame him for having it easy. I know its not in his hands and I am happy that he is where he is right now but he doesn't seem to understand that these risks are important to take. 

I can't let a bad director become the fall of my career I worked so hard for. I sacrificed everything. My family, my friends, my sleep and everything that possibly meant something to me other than him. He stayed and supported me. I love him with all my heart but I will not let a man be the reason why all my sacrifice went to waste. Not him. Not the director. 

His reasoning is right, his concern is justified but he is not listening to me. He is not understanding my side of the story and he doesn't want to. I keep telling that I have no choice but to find a way and protect myself and I know how to. As a woman who had to survive from the streets since I was 12, I am capable of many things but somehow he has it stuck in his mind that I need to be careful when all I do is be careful. These men won't be able to hurt me if I play the right game. Its not survival if its not in the worst possible situation. 

We argue and argue till I finally get a call from the set. My audition is approved and the role is confirmed to be mine. Within an hour, my name will be in every social media post and i will get the chance that I worked for since the last 10 years.

The director has had many instances of being perverted. A lot of women have raised their voices but it keeps getting ignored somehow. The man I love knows it very well and he wants the best for me but he keeps forgetting that the life I lived has had worse, I have fought through worse and I am not as protected as him. I can't reject such offers because of minor issues like this.

Yes, it is minor because I know how to handle such situations. I have prepared myself for any possible outcome, the worst scenario. The amount information I have is enough to destroy the director's life and I have enough strength to make the man bleed in ways that are fatal. However, every time I try to tell him, he cuts me off with his concern and arguing. 

I trust him but he doesn't trust me. I understand him but he doesn't understand me. Its not because he doesn't love me enough but because he can't do it, he assumes I can't do it. But that's not true. I know I can. I believe in myself, its the only reason why I left my abusive parents and broke off my fake friends. became isolated and jut worked till I finally got what I deserve. 

After the call, he stares at me hurt and looks betrayed. I didn't want to hurt him. He means the world to me and i didn't want him to feel bad but I can't be suppressed or ordered. The actions I take will always have consequences and risks and I'm ready to take that, its how I live. If he cant take them with me, stay through it all with me, we can't work. We won't work.

Finally, after a lot of silence he speaks up. But he disappoints me in every possible way.

He gives me an ultimatum. The one thing I hate the most. Never make me choose between anything, not when both of the things are close to me and my heart. That's the moment I decide what I will do and I know from the depth of my soul that this pain will not go even after I heal from this break up because I love him more than I ever loved anyone else. My first love.

"We are from different worlds love. I'm sorry, but we aren't working." With that, I turn on my heel and run away from the heart break displayed on his face and the pain i feel in my chest.

**********

Right decision or wrong choice?
~800 words