Coffee n drama

Unrequited love

A single glance at her makes my day better. After all, she is my first love. I didn't know what love is before I met her. She is as bright as the sun. Everything about her is just so beautiful. The way she laughs at everything and zones out randomly when she isn't feeling right. Her smallest action is registered in my heart and maybe I am in love with the girl that gave me a rose as teenager. 

When we both met, I thought it will be like every other encounter I have had. The girls I have met would give me attitude or get awkward and end up leaving. She didn't do any of that. Maybe that's why I ended up thinking about her even after she left. All she did is laugh warmly at my awkwardness and made me feel comfortable. Then when she left, she whips out a fake rose and hands it to me with a smile. "Boys deserve roses too." I think that's how I fell in love.

She made me feel wanted and talked to me like I mattered. Gave me a chance to let my opinion matter and supported every thing I would decide to do, however idiotic it was. She became my favourite person, my best friend and sometimes when I feel down, she is the reason I stay strong. Whenever I feel insecure, my first thought will be if she likes me as a person, there is nothing wrong with me. I know her well enough to know, if she didn't like me, we wouldn't be around each other so much. 

When I enter my office, a few of the people greet me while the others mind their own business. The feeling of being an equal, a part of something calms my nerves. A new start away from the person I love. It breaks my heart every single second of the day to know that she is no longer even my bestfriend. She has found someone who will be her best friend, her boyfriend and her crush forever. The man I know is better than me in every way. 

The sad part is, I don't feel jealousy or hate but instead this relentless sadness and a tiny bit of happiness for her. I lost my love and she gained hers and it feels worth it. She deserves everything and I would never snatch it from her. So I shifted my entire life so that I could heal. I don't want to ever, even by mistake, hurt the love she found. 

Changed my address, my company, my number. A new identity in a small start up. Its not like I didn't have any friends other than her. They all are good friends but none of them are as close maybe because I never gave them the chance to. This time, I will open myself to everything life gives me. A new opportunity will present it self to me and before it does, I will be completely prepared for it.

My phone rings as I sit on the chair besides one of my colleagues. Its her. She somehow found my number and it warms my heart that she cares. It has been 3 months since we lost contact because of my efforts.

"HOW DARE YOU MAKE SUCH A DESICION AND NOT TELL ME." She shouts in my ear as I pick up the call. The girl besides me laughs and pushes my hand away from my ear. I realize that in my thoughts, I hadn't seen its a video call. 

"You should clean your ear by the way." I give her my deadliest glare and in return she just laughs. Ofcourse my coworker also does and mouths if I can let her meet the girl on the phone.

"How are you?" I ask and place my phone against the wall besides my table, letting my coworker into the frame. She waves at my best friend and slowly lets her laugh die down. The girl besides me is closer than anyone I have let but instead of getting jealous, my bestfriend gives me a teasing glance, breaking every possible hope I had left. Not letting this stupid reason bring me down, I continue to chat with her while completing the work I had pending. 

At the end of the day, I realize that maybe I may have lost my love but I won't let my best friend go. She is my first love, will always be and if ever I get a chance to be with her, I would probably not take it because risking the friendship I am so dependent on is not worth it. The time where the need of being with her more than being her best friend has gone, now I just want my bestfriend, not a lover. 

Maybe this is what moving on is and it took me 3 years to get over my 12 years of love but its worth everything I have. Now I have a company I am building with a group of people who work well with me, a bestfriend who is engaged yet still makes time for me and friends that get me. 

My unrequited love gave me more than I ever thought I would get when I was 13. I found my true love and I didn't get her the way I wanted to but that's okay.