and a horse called Straton

Chapter 5

Caitlyn reeled backwards and began to sob uncontrollably. She couldn't help it. She had already lost her mother and now Luke. She was all alone and she next to no supplies. Straton was injured so they couldn't go and find help. She had only one change of clothes so she couldn't use fabric for a shelter. It seemed completely hopeless.

Straton softly called to her. "Straton, why did I have to go on this ride?" She sobbed, not even thinking clearly. "It's my fault he's dead, it's my fault Mum died and how you're hurt and that's my fault too. Why can't I do anything right?"

Straton tried to walk over to her but couldn't so she stayed, leaning against a tree - all alone.

****

Caitlyn finished washing her clothes, untacked Straton then went to lie down. She didn't want to get up. Ever. She just laid there, resting her head on Straton who was also lying down. His leg had gotten a little worse and was weeping. She couldn't gather the energy to build a shelter or gather food so did nothing, besides, it was too late at night. She knew it was a bad idea but she didn't want to do anything.

Straton couldn't stand on just three legs for so long so he had laid down. Caitlyn peeled the bandage off a little. It was swelling more. She applied more antiseptic but she was worried it was somehow already infected.

The stars flickered above her and she saw a shooting star. 'To be able to see Mum and Luke again.' She wished. She felt the need to apologise. It was her fault, both times; both times it had been in a storm. Eventually she fell into a nightmarish sleep.

Once she woke up she felt a lot better - until she remembered why she was in the bush, alone with Straton. She peeled back the bandage on his leg. It had festered overnight. She tasted bile as she saw it and felt the heat around it. It was definitely infected.

She bit her lip and got the cream out again. She tried to remember what her mother had taught her about the medicinal herbs as she applied the cream. She would run out soon and she would need to find more. But she had so little energy. She just felt as if there was nothing in life. Luke was gone, her mother was gone and who knew when she would be found.

She had been warned of survival depression. Many people died in survival situations because they got depressed usually because of how they managed to be isolated. She had to try and keep her spirits up, but she felt guilty being happy when Luke was gone. She stood slowly and started to look around at the foliage around her.

There was a couple of edible plants but not many. She went back to the creek and got a drink as she thought about where she could keep food. She had to plan as if she was going to be here for months.

Once she had done that, she sat down again to gather her energy and thoughts. She leant against a trunk of a smooth barked gum. She wasn't sure what kind though. She felt surges of panic as she came to terms with what had happened to her.

Her fingers trembled and her breaths quickened, she tried to centre her thoughts. Her heartbeat became irregular and she felt light headed. "I must be dying." She whimpered.  'First Mum and Luke. Now I might lose Straton too.'  She thought. 'Or myself.' 

Tears broke the dam she tried to build as panic mounted in her chest. Her heart shivered and pounded. She blubbered and choked as her first anxiety attack came to a crescendo. Her arms and legs twitched as she tried to calm down. 'Breath, breath.' She told herself.

Her breath began to take some form of normality after about an hour. She sat, exhausted after it all. More tears slipped down her face as she tried to work out what had just happened to her. No one had ever taught her what anxiety was so she couldn't have known any better.