and a horse called Straton

Chapter 26

Caitlyn curled herself up beneath the cotton sheets. Her doona weighted the blankets down on her. It was almost comforting. With winter coming they were in the in between where you needed more than a sheet but you needed to stick your foot out to keep cool. Silent tears covered her face.  It felt cleansing to her skin but it made her feel dirty inside.

She'd lied to someone who she had once called her best friend. Not just a white lie either. But again she knew that telling him the truth was worse.  Unfortunately the message wouldn't get through to her churning stomach that threatened to spill its contents at any moment. She pulled her legs closer to herself. Caitlyn began quickly wiping her face when she heard a light knock at the door.

"Caitlyn?" It was Ty. She quickly wiped her face and hoped it wasn't too red.

"Come in," her voice came out slightly hoarse but she could just blame it on the time.

What was the time?  She glanced at her bedside clock. 00:30. That lead to questioning what Ty was doing up, let alone in the house at that time. Everyone had to get up early so they went to bed early.

Ty eased the door open and shut it silently behind him. A memory flashed into her mind. The first sleepover the three of them had. They'd both snuck in and out without her dad knowing. The whole thing had been perfectly planned and executed. Mostly it was for the fun of it. Turns out he knew anyway. But at the time it was a great game. All they'd done the whole night was poke fun at each other and eat the whole fridge. It was easily one of the best nights of her life. A small smile flickered onto her mouth at the memory.

Ty walked over and sat down on the floor next to her bed, his legs splayed out as he leaned on his arms. Somehow he didn't seem uncomfortable. Perhaps it was her keeping the details of Luke's death that had made it awkward. But the lie still churned in her gut.

The silence hung around them for a long time. Ty in his thoughts, Caitlyn swarmed with guilt. "Thank you. For telling me," he finally broke the silence.

But he didn't sound tense or awkward. It sounded like she'd never left. A small smile graced her lips and tears welled up again. Since when did she get emotional?

"It's fine," in comparison she definitely sounded awkward.

"You know. When they found him, I didn't even believe it," Ty chuckled slightly, but it was thick as if he was on the verge of tears. "I was angry - for a long time I was angry. I didn't know why it had to be him. I-I didn't know why you went missing." The confession blew Caitlyn away. She didn't think he actually cared. He continued, not noticing her.

"But I know it was just chance. No one decided and no one thought about who deserved it - it just," he hesitated for a moment. His voice came back a whisper. "It just happened."

Tears streamed down Caitlyn's face and she tried to keep them hidden in the dark. She sensed that Ty was crying as well but she wasn't about to check and invade the privacy of the dark. The truth in his words and his conviction about it made her believe that he was right. Maybe it wasn't her fault. Maybe it was just something that happened.

A question weighed heavily on her mind but she didn't think it fair to burden Ty with it. She wanted to know if he blamed her for what happened. Perhaps she couldn't handle the answer either. Maybe he did blame her. He'd be right.

"What was it like? I mean it would have been nice, the solitude."

A lone memory tore through Caitlyn. Cantering with Straton along the water, happy. Then the dogs attacking them. Again she could feel it's teeth sink through her flesh. Again she felt the cold pain of her arm breaking. Her hand moved shakily to the scar on her leg. The solitude was anything but nice.  It was dangerous.

Knowing that he had killed her best friend was too heavy to carry and the responsibility of it all.  The only good thing that came out of it was getting fitter.  Everything that was good out there was taken away from her.  Nulluh.

Ty looked over at her when she didn't answer.  It was dark but he could make out vague features.  For the third time she looked haunted by something.  As if it wouldn't leave her alone.  "Cait?"

The nickname crashed into her and just about winded her.  She hadn't heard it in so long she wasn't sure whether to smile or cry.  Both worked evidently.  "Uh, not really," she said with a slight laugh. 

Ty frowned.  "Why not?  It'd be great.  No expectations, no responsibility.  All you would have to do is get your own food and that.  You know how to do that."

Anger flared within her but she kept it down.  "I guess so."  The words she wanted to stay rampaged through her.  She almost flinched at the words she actually wanted to say. To tell him how wrong he was and how he wouldn't understand.  There were so many things she wanted to tell him but it felt like there was a wall where there was once friendship.

Her breath began quickening.  She missed when they used to tell each other everything, it was so different now.  It was awkward and harsh.

Ty let the silence linger again.  He had felt bad for a time about pushing her away slightly after her initial return but he was over that now.  The answers he wanted were about all that kept him away from her and he had them now so it didn't matter.  It was great how they slotted back together. 

He had always been concerned that it was just Luke keeping them together but he was glad that he was wrong.  It was so great to be with Caitlyn.  It was like he could say anything and it wouldn't matter.  They would stay the same no matter what.  Sleep began to drag at his eyelids.  It slowly pulled him under into darkness.

Caitlyn lay awake for hours. Eventually she fell asleep to return to the horrors that waited in dreamland.