and a horse called Straton

Chapter 30

Caitlyn sat, staring at her scrubbed raw hands, focusing on the small prints on the sides of her fingers rather than the person sitting across from her. Ty didn't speak, she could blame him really. There wasn't much to say. Well, there was. But no-one knew how to say it.

She sipped at the foul tasting tea again just for something to do. Maybe later she should try and find some lemon grass to something to make tea from. Ty shifted, pulling her from her distracting thoughts.

Her eyes flicked to him and she recognised his expression as what she was feeling herself. He cleared his throat and looked up, meeting her gaze. She flicked her eyes down and away from his asking look.

"I don't know what the hell that was, but something is up, Cait."  She didn't expect those words. Or how they came out. He just sounded broken. She reminded herself that he had basically lost his two best friends in one day. Luke had been killed and she was missing.  Even now she wasn't the same and she was burdening the people around her because of it.

"What's going on?" He asked, voice caught between caring and cold. She had kept something from him, he couldn't think of any reason for her to freak out like that. As much as he wanted to help, she shouldn't have lied about whatever it was, and he still couldn't understand what she had said the other night, about her killing Luke. It didn't make sense.

Caitlyn ran her tongue over her cracked lips. After a moment she opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. The words caught against the lump in her throat and she couldn't get them past it. Tears threatened again but she fought back, covering her mouth with her hand and looking down.

Bloody hands.
Dark mud. 
"Caitlyn..."

The images flicked through her head and her breathing picked up again. Once again she was brought back by her name spoken by a living voice and a hand over hers.
"If it's that upsetting, you don't need to say, but keeping it under lock and key is not going to help," Ty warned.

Caitlyn just nodded, trying to keep herself in the moment. The lines on her hand, the small scar she got from the kelpie as a kid, the way the wood grain swirled and changed around the knots in the wood. Anything to keep her distracted from the world of the dead.

Ty stood up, feeling very awkward to have made his only living friend so upset. He didn't want to disturb their already fragile relationship. No matter what he said, it didn't seem to help. Clearly something had happened and he intended to find out one way or another.

"Take the day off if you need to," was all he said as he walked out.

Caitlyn stayed there for a long time, willing her legs to move, to do something. Laying around never helped anyone, her dad had always said. Mainly after her mum had died. He never let anyone lay around and be sad. He said there was plenty of time to linger with the dead once we got there. No use wasting the little time with the living.

Eventually she stood up shakily and put her cup in the sink before she headed down to do chores.

The stable was eerily empty when she got there. Ben wasn't writing something down in the office, all the workers were out, most the horses in the paddock. All but Straton. He stood alone in his stall, staring out over the paddock. When he heard her, his head flicked towards her and his ears pricked.

She smiled slightly and walked down to where he was. "Hey buddy," she said softly, putting her hand on his nose. He whickered, nudging her for a treat. Her attention was caught by the scar running down his shoulder. Guilt burned up through her. It was such an ugly scar and it was her fault.
It was all her fault.
She let herself into the stall and knotted her hands into his mane, trying to keep herself with him rather than in her mind. Stay with the living, stay with the living, she changed to herself. The feed room door slammed shut and she jumped, throwing her heart into her throat and making her feel sick all over again.

Once she was calmer, she took Straton out and mounted to go and run the western fence check. Thankfully it was in the opposite direction to the one her and Luke had taken on that day. It seemed like so long ago. They were happy and enjoying a normal day. It seemed so surreal that so much could change in so little time.

As Caitlyn rode along the perimeter, she considered what Ty had said about keeping it locked up. It made sense. It was only getting worse the linger she kept it to herself. But she didn't think it was fair to burden any of her friends with it. They wouldn't understand it anyway. Maybe Ben would have understood but he was gone now.

The crushing weight of this hung around her like a thick cloud, for a while blocking out the memories which was a pleasant break.

Once she got back it was getting dark since she had left later than she should have. She turned Straton out into his paddock, giving him a gentle slap on the rump as he walked towards the feed put out for the horses.

Caitlyn headed up to the house to get dinner but paused when she heard her name mentioned in the conversation.
"Yeah, it happened today."
"Just, went down?" Her dad. She hadn't identified the first voice yet though.
"Yeah. Shaking and stuff," that voice was Ty. Why were they talking about her? "I just thought you should know."
"Yes, thank you."

She walked through the front door at that point. "Sorry I'm late!" She called out to warn them of her arrival. "I got a late start this morning," she explained as she walked into the kitchen, heading straight for the pot on the stove.

"What's for dinner?"

A/N
Hi all!
Sorry, late again I know. Also sorry I didn't do really heavy editing. I think I need new glasses because it's hard to notice small things cos they're a bit blurry after a while.
What'd youse think though? Like any of it (like at all haha)?

Have a great day guys!