Love & death: Feel it all

Friday the 13th

I really believed Bill when he told me that all of this shit was behind us. I really thought it was true. I really thought that it was possible to leave his whole life behind him and basically start a new life. That is just not possible.

23:56 PM, Thursday 12th of October

"You're almost there Scarlett, one more push and it's over!" The doctor shouted at me. I screamed so loud that I couldn't even hear most of what she said. The pain was overwhelming. The worst pain I have ever felt in my life. My legs were cramping and my whole body was shaking. Bill was beside me, holding my hand, telling me to squeeze it as hard as I could. I did as he said while seeing his face when he realized how much I could actually squeeze.
Five minutes later, the baby was finally out and got handed over to me. The baby was born on Friday the 13th. The perfect day in my mind. And the baby was a girl. I could already see her in front of me. Looking exactly like me and being a strong and confident woman. When she got born into the family, there is no possible way that she could be anything else. I am going to raise this baby right.
It was like love at first sight when I saw her in my arms. She was ugly just like all other babies. Dirty and disgusting and of course crying, but there was something so beautiful about her. Something that made me want to protect her no matter what happened. And one day I might actually need to. But hopefully not.
I couldn't take my eyes off her face. When I put her to my breast she stopped crying like I pushed at button. And I couldn't help but fall more and more in love with her. I forgot everything I have ever done in my life and all that seemed to matter in the world was that cute little baby girl in my arms.

"I'm a dad." I heard Bill say from beside me. I forced myself to look away from her face and look towards Bill. He looked like he had seen a ghost. And then suddenly a wave of excitement washed over his face and he smiled all the way from ear to ear.

"I'M A DAD!" He shouted with more excitement than I have ever seen on him before and ran out of the door to the room. I laughed a little to myself and looked back at my baby girl.

"What will her name be?" One of the doctors asked. I looked up quickly while thinking. I looked at her face trying to see what name could be good for her. I always liked the name Vanessa, but she just didn't look like a Vanessa. If she was a Vanessa then she would be crying still. She would be feisty and get what she wants. She would be tough. And even though shes just a baby, I could see that those things didn't show on her just yet. She will develope those over time. So she's a Catherine.
Caty. Cat.

"Catherine. Shes a Catherine. Catherine Kaulitz." I said to the doctor who quickly smiled warmly and accepted the name.
I could hear Bill still shouting outside and running around telling people that hes now a dad. And then he came back, completely out of breath.

"Can I hold her?" He asked me carefully. I wasn't much for giving her away, but I did it anyway. I carefully handed her over as the fear of Bill dropping her became stronger.

"Be carefull damn." I said as Bill took her from my arms and looked at her just as mesmerized as I was. He couldn't stop staring at her.

"Her name is Catherine. Cat or Caty for short." I said to Bill with a smile. I had a feeling that he would like that name and I was right.

"I love you Catherine." He said to her with a smile and a single tear falling down his face.

Bill's pov:

I had never been that happy ever before. When I looked at Catherine's face, I just fell in love with her. The sad thing was that I knew that all the features that makes her look like me, isn't me. It's Tom. But I can still be happy that she will have Scarlett's features as well. Good thing me and Tom are twins. Other people won't see a difference.
More doctors entered the room. They talked but I didn't hear it. All I cared about was Catherine.

"Am I supposed to feel like this?" I heard Scarlett ask the doctors as three of them came to her sides. I looked over to see a pool of blood streaming out of her which she didn't even notice.

"Bill?" She said and looked at me worried when nobody said anything to her. I knew something was wrong. She could die. But what can I do?

"Get out of the room please, you don't need to be here." One of the doctors told me and moved me out of the room as I kept looking at Scarlett who slowly seemed to fade away. She looked in my direction but she didn't have any emotion. It was a blank stare into the air before the door closed in my face and I snapped back to reality.
I looked down at Cat. She looked so small and innocent. How could I ever be a good dad for her?
My heart started to race when I realized that I might need to raise her alone. Just me and Cat and no Scarlett. What would I do? I would be broken if she didn't survive, and on top of that I would have to raise my child while grieving over Scarlett's death. That seems impossible.

It's Scarlett we're talking about. She is going to survive this. She HAS to survive.

"Don't worry Caty, your mommy will survive this. She's stronger than a goddess. We're gonna be fine." I said to Cat. I didn't know who I was talking to. Me or Caty?

***