I reach my hands out towards Bill and he instinctively moves closer to me. I grab his wonderfully beautiful face in my hands and look him deep in the eyes.
"I love you too. As much as I love Tom. Maybe not as much as i love Cat... but still." I say, turning a little less serious. Bill smiles at the joke, but i dont think he understands what im saying.
With one hand still on his cheek, i turn and reach out for Tom's hand. They both need to understand my decision."I cant choose one of you. I know you both want me to... but i cant. I love both of you equally and i wont let either of you go. Im willing to figure this out and help both of you get used to it... but i cant choose." I say, taking a deep breath to prepare for the next thing.
"If you want to think about it... or say no to me already... thats fine, i understand that. Just know that i love both of you more than i thought i ever could love anyone." I say.
Ive been looking at Tom when I finish talking, but I turn to look at Bill when I hear a faint sniffle. Im shocked that hes crying, but he is. This is what hes crying over? Not getting shot by his brother? Or anything else thats happened lately. This is when hes crying.
"Oh Bill baby." I say, not being able to resist his adorable face. I pull him close to me and he burries his face in the nape of my neck as he cries. Its weird, but it almost feels comforting to be able to comfort him. Almost as if hes comforting me at the same time.
"I understand... Scar. And I accept. I cant let you go either. You know I need to be with you no matter the surcomstance." Tom says behind me. I cant look at him, I'm trying to comfort Bill.
I havent thought this whole triangle relationship all the way through yet, I just know that its my only choice. It might be much more difficult than I thought, but I'm willing to fight and make it work. After all, I love them both too much to have any other choice. The hard part will be the jealousy between them. If I have sex with Bill, Tom will be jealous even if I had sex with him the day before. We'll have to work on that somehow.
Bill moves a little to the side and now I'm able to look at Tom. If Bill hadn't been crying on me right now, I wouldn't have even considered Tom starting to cry. He just doesn't seem like the type to cry in these situations. But now he really looks like he's going to. And then he does something unexpected.
Instead of putting his attention on me like his intense eyes had been before, he takes a step closer and rests his hand on Bill's shoulder. Bill reacts immediately and looks up with confusion. Tom and Bill look each other in the eyes and say nothing.
I feel like a bystander to a secret conversation. It's almost as if they're actually talking. Apologising and forgiving each other but without words.Bill lets go of me and pulls Tom close to him with so much force, I almost think they're trying to strangle each other or hug them to death, but they just hold each other. Now I almost feel like crying for real.
I thought that it would take longer for them to forgive each other and be able to have a normal relationship us three, but maybe I was wrong.
"I'm sorry... about the shoulder." Tom says once they've pulled away from the hug. Tom looks genuinely sorry and actually sad about what he has done, but Bill just laughs.
"I forgive you... it's not everybody who gets shot by Tom Kaulitz that actually live to tell the tale." Bill says with a sneaky smile. I can't stop a giggle bubbling up inside me and they both look at me. I feel a warm tear roll down the side of my face, getting cold as soon as its out of my eye and hit by the air around us.
"Both of you... are insane." I say and continue laughing. I can't stop it. Its like something inside me that I've wanted to get out, and now im able to get it out in the form of laughter and not homicidal rage.
I look at Bill - blood from the gunshot wound escaping and making his shirt wet, and his shaking hands - and Tom - blood showing from under bandages on his arm and his chest, and bruises from the fight before where he won - and I can't help but be overly excited about our future together. I have both of them now.
Bill and Tom are much stronger now than they have been. They changed in many ways. They know themselves better and they are the best protectors I could ever ask for. If they can get through all of this, then they can get through anything.
"Stop laughing... it's creepy." Tom says, even though I can see a smile forming on his face and he tries to fight it. I shouldnt be laughing in a serious situation like this, but isnt laughing much more fun than crying?
+++
Once we have all gathered ourselves, I think of Cat. My little baby girl that I havent seen in so long and she is so close. I heard her when i got here, and i know shes here. And i know shes safe. I can feel it.
Tom holds my arm with a firm but not forceful grip. Just in a protective way. Bill is walking closely behind me and I can feel his tall frame hovering behind me and it makes me feel safer.As we walk out to the car, my expectations rise and i cant wait to see my little baby again. And there she is. Her beautiful light brown curly hair in every direction and her piercing blue eyes, way more blue than mine, staring right at me through the car window.
The moment she sees me, her eyes light up, her hands fly around in the air and i can hear her happy cries through the car window.I rip myself from Tom's grip and run to the car. It opens just when i reached it and i look back to see Tom with the car keys in hand and a safe and warm smile on his face.
I open the car door and quickly get Cat's seatbelt off of her so I can hold her. She reaches out her tiny chubby arms and wraps them around me. Her happy noises turn into crying and i look at her face. Shes laughing and crying at the same time and she looks so confused."It's okay baby. Its just happy tears. Im here now and ill never leave u ever again... i promise" i tell her, my voice cracking as i speak and i have to pull her close to me again. I just stand there outside the car for minutes, holding Caty in my arms, feeling her life again. At some points i thought she might have been dead because i just couldnt feel her livelyness close to me any longer. And now i can feel her whole body, her heartbeat, her breath, her small hands gripping my shirt, and I feel complete.
She has two fathers and her mother is back with her again. I have my daughter back and soon to be two husbands. Im not letting them leave me either. Ever. I'm the one in control now. Tom and Bill might think they're supirior cus of their past, but im just as strong as them. And i wont let any of what i have right now, get away from me...
----
YOU ARE READING
Love & death: Feel it all
FanfictionThe second part of Love & death. Bill and Scarlett fled to Germany to get as far away from Tom and their past life as possible. But Tom finds out about their little secret and hunts them down. Scarlett and Tom's baby gets lost and they can't seem to...