Go Against Destiny ✓

destiny 11

"I like the sound of your heartbeat, Granny. I like listening to it because it makes me less afraid of the storm outside. I don't like the lightning and thunders. They are scary."

As far as he could remember, he had always been a coward when it came to electrical storms. Since he had been a kid, he would always hide under his blanket and cover his head with a pillow to avoid seeing the bolts and hearing the roars of the sky.

His parents had known about his fear of lightning and thunder all along, but instead of showing compassion for him, the Nieves couple would often use it as an excuse to scorn him more.

"Aren't you supposed to be a man? Then why are you a fucking sissy?" his father would often ask with a voice full of loathing.

He had only been a little boy. At the tender age of six, he was still emotional and helpless. Yet, his parents had always expected him to face the things that terrorized him. Head on. And on his own.

Every rainy season, whenever he had done something that had displeased his mother, the woman would punish him by leaving him alone on their porch to witness the rage of the heavens. The thing was, he had never had to do anything in particular to be a nuisance to her, but the mere sight of him was enough to sour his mother's mood. Needless to say, young JP would always find himself thrown outside their house during the frightening weather.

No matter how hard he would plead to be let in, not once had his parents taken pity on him. He would beg and beg until his voice was hoarse and words could no longer come out of his mouth. He would cry and cry until his eyes were swollen and his face was smeared with snot and tears. And even then, the door to their house would remain locked.

In despair, young JP would end up curling on the floor, sobbing, trembling, flinching, as the sky would let out angry howls and as the blazes would pierce behind his closed eyes.

Looking back, those memories might have been one of the reasons why, in contrast to outgrowing his aversion for the lightning storm, it had actually become worse. They were a nightmare that had incessantly slapped him with the flashbacks of his harsh childhood and with the emotions that he had felt then. Anxiety. The sense of abandonment. The lack of love from the people who had brought him into this cruel world, from the parents who were supposed to care for him the most.

At that time, he had wondered what he had done to make his parents hate him so much. That was, aside from existing.

From the start, the sole person who had ever been thankful for JP's birth had been his grandmother. Only she had made him feel cherished.

Granny would always be the one to find little JP asleep on the cold floor of their porch once she had come back home from her part-time job. She would then confront his daughter-in-law about the horrible treatment of her grandson, and it would then trigger an argument between them. It was a never-ending cycle of parents condemning their child, of a grandmother protecting her little boy, of adults fighting over their different views about the kid.

And of young JP thinking that his family might have been better off without him. Maybe, if he were not in the way, his parents and his grandmother would have been able to get along with each other well.

It was a notion that Granny had continuously debunked every night.

"You're not to be blamed, my sweet child," the old woman had said while enfolding the small boy on the bed like a mama bear cradling her cub, "Your mother and father are at fault for being irresponsible parents. But you don't need to be upset because Granny will always be here for you. I promise that for as long as I'm around, no one or nothing can hurt you."

In his grandmother's embrace, JP had always felt safe. He would often nuzzle his head against the elder woman's chest to search for her pulse, a rhythm that could help him relax and forget about the terrifying stuff in his life.