Bound For Ruin

Chapter 15

My mind failed to grasp the eulogy spoken by the pastor as I was preoccupied with consoling my mother as well as trying to keep my sobs at bay. I knew that whatever was being said had touched the hearts of many from the hunched postures of those who sobbed and the constant wiping of tears throughout the area. I rubbed my mother’s back as I pulled her closer to my body her body shook severely from the excessive crying and continued to do so whilst staring blankly at the pastor who read from his pages with a frown on his face and some tears streaking down. 

I knew that the speech was difficult to read out since he was a close friend of my father’s. You could say that Pastor Fynn and my father were twins. They were always around each other and loved doing everything in sync. I had always found their actions a bit odd but ended up taking a liking to them the more they surrounded us. He initially had not wanted to say a word when he came over but my mom begged him to say something as we were too grieved to think of something to say which he agreed to do after some time. 

My lips turned into a small smile when he looked at us from the podium during his break from saying the speech. He responded with a teary smile of his own before casting a saddened look onto my mother who clung onto my arm as if it were the only anchor to her life at the moment and continued reading from the piece of paper. I placed my head onto hers when she calmed down from her sobs and just wiped her nose continuously. “The speech was beautiful, wasn't it?” my mother asked as she linked her fingers with mine. 

“Yeah, it was,” I said as I tightened the hold and looked as Pastor Fynn descended from the podium and rushed towards us. He then took a seat beside me and continued to rub his knee in thought, an action that he did when he felt the most awkward. 

“How are you feeling?” The simple question has become the one question that I despised. It always leads to the pity conversation that is rendered with soft words of encouragement such as ‘It will be okay’ or ‘You must be happy that he is finally meeting his creator’. Those sentences enraged me as they were nowhere near calming but rather annoying and made me want to punch whoever dared to tell me that. 

“I'm doing fine, thank you,” I replied monotonously as I wanted this discussion to reach its end. I was tired of the same words that were being told to me by the many people who had approached me. “Is there anything that you need?” I asked with a small smile, hoping that he hadn't found my question a bit rude. 

“He's going to be buried now so you need to come and see him for the last time before they take him away.” I thanked him for the information and turned towards my mother who was preoccupied with the sight of my father's picture that was placed next to his coffin. It was difficult to find a picture where he smiled brightly without him holding a freshly caught fish in his hand but we managed to after looking through months of outing pictures. 

“You heard what he said, Ma?” she nodded her head and stood from her seat to walk towards the coffin. 

~~~~~~
I sat quietly in the living room as I watched family members and friends rush in and out of the house to provide the hungry guests with some food. I licked the ice cream that my aunt gave me as a backup since I hadn't had the appetite to eat any food. When she tried to force me to eat some food, I ended up vomiting for the last 25 minutes which worried her greatly since I needed to have more strength so that I could deal with the many visitors that came in to see us. 

I usually wouldn't have followed instructions so obediently since I didn't have the skills to deal with people. I mostly enjoyed my own company and hated the sight of anybody else. My mother tried to make me more social by bringing me to every event that she went to but she would always come out disappointed as I would follow her wherever she went or would gladly sit by the tables and eat the many savories that were given by the venue whenever she shouted me to mingle with many of my agemates. 

It was a wonder as to how I was going to keep the conversation up with the many people who walked in and out of the house. It was already difficult to say the necessary greetings to those who entered but what seemed like torture was the question of the cause of death. I know that I was supposed to lie and say that it was done by some crazy person who had a vendetta against him but it truly hurt me to say that because I knew that it was all of my fault. I wanted to tell everyone about it but I knew that if I dared to even say something that would hint towards that notion then people from the Shin business would come after me which would be easy to do since they surrounded the home. 

I wiped my sweaty hands onto my jeans as I looked at the blank TV screen in thought after the last visitors left me alone to deal with my emotions. My relaxed posture immediately straightened as I heard the familiar clacking of heels and the strong scent of strawberry perfume wafting into my nose. “Hey, honey, are you doing well?” Mia asked before she took a seat beside me and held my hand tightly in comfort. 

“I'm doing great,” I replied sarcastically as I pulled my hand away from hers. This was not the time to maintain the facade since there were no people who were around to judge. It already frustrated me that she had ordered her brother to bring some bodyguards and herself to ease the worry that I would use the funeral to run away or complain to my mother about the events that occurred. It was frustrating due to their knowledge that I wouldn't do any of those actions due to my fear of being tortured. I learnt my lesson once so I didn't need people to follow me around to check if I was listening to the rules that were given to me. 

“He said that you must give this to your mother,” she said after a few moments of silence. I watched as she reached into her coat pocket and pulled out a thick paper bag. I desperately wanted to open the packet to see what the contents were since it was thick and light. “It will take care of the funeral costs and some things in the house. You can also stay for a few days for some moral support and to allow you some time to grieve.” 

I smiled at the comforting words. I hadn't known them for long but I was quickly taught of the horrid nature that they possessed. They were such vile beings that longed to cause pain so I was shocked to hear that they gave me permission to go and stay for a while. 

“Thank you.’