WARRIORS (MVManalo)

Childhood

I wanted to become a nun or servant of God ever since I can remember and tried to talk with sisters of a certain convent which I don't want to disclose because I was traumatized when I presented to them my weird writings. Why?, it was because, the scribbled words are out of this world, maybe, different languages that I already foreseen for myself happening, after twenty years. And now that I am in my forties. I see why I wrote them in my worn-out notebook and not understanding what they meant. The sister who was so kind and talked me out of forgetting what I wrote which in fact ordering my books to be buried on the ground, were stories of books, people and events that will happen in the future. The movies that I have watched, the people that I would meet and the events that will happen that neither them nor I can understand.

I wonder what happened to her and my books underground. Maybe she didn't really threw them away but planted them and now after many years my writings grew and became real live stories that others appreciate and learn from today. Wakata! Sugoi! It is then wonderful! 

Haaa.....I even wondered how I understand foreigners like Spanish, Italian, Russian or French, etc. people when they talk to me or message me, and now I know why. God has planned for everything all along. What I was praying for and aiming to achieve in the future was already been molding me with all the trials that I have experienced and still experiencing until now, so I can be really prepared when the time comes that I need to be out there in the world to tell, read my stories to those who need them. Who am I? I always ask myself that too, that if you or others felt the same, I felt that I needed to belong or become someone important too in this era or in my lifetime. I am a very shy person and don't usually talk to anyone unless I need to. I know I feel safe and free when I sing and act on stage. Why my parents sent my siblings and I to a sort of school named SALC, a learning center where we are taught by P.E.T.A., the country's renowned theater to act, sing and dance for church audiences. We even joined concert after concerts to sing and play little actors and actresses on stage. It was definitely fun and exciting all together.

I remember when I was with my childhood friends and cousins, there was this one girl who I get shy of every time I see her. She was cute, pale skin, chinita eyes and when she smiles she has these dimples that really makes my heart beat fast with happiness. I didn't know that I was attracted to girls then, thinking about it now, makes it more obvious and real that I am part of the LGBTQ community. Well, gays in the 1980's are not that very popular then but maybe I just didn't know they exist until now that I'm in my forties. Hmmm.....strange but amazing! The feeling is so weird but beautiful at the same time, because I get to observe and follow people on instagram or twitter which is X now, with full attention and admiration.

I remember in the elementary school I was enrolled into, my brothers and I with our classmates who live nearby us, would walk maybe a mile or two from our house to school grounds. It was the best time I felt with my friends like there's nothing more exciting than spending those tiny moments breathing the fresh air with those trees around us and when we are in school, our teachers are the best, kindest and heartwarming as ever. Those were the good old days when life is simple, uncomplicated and humble. My parents decided to live in Malabon for six years, so I spent my elementary years there and I, not knowing who I would become, still has crushes and another one with a girl living just next door. Our neighbor who is an Aglipay and sings beautifully on the shower which I always listen to when I get to stand and watch our little store in front of the gate. After some of my childhood friends along with my girl crush left the city, I got lonely and well got busy with school and all so I didn't know what I should have done but continue with SALC and our Sunday Legion of Mary sessions, happily, regularly. I was a good but stubborn girl then and now. Hihi!

This tall and tan girl who has dimples and is good in a game called "garter", which is a very athletic one where you jump on the garter held by two people on each sides then a person will jump over it until it reaches the height up to the head. I wasn't that good playing it, I just wanted to join because I liked to see my crush, haha. And when they left the subdivision, which is a tiny corner where our four door, two floor apartment stood. In front, was my girl crush's house, little rooms like a studio type apartments. My family lived there for six years with the floods but good and caring neighbors in the 'iskinita'.

Warf, warf!!!, our dog called Tiger guards the store. One time, a little kid tried to snatch some candies off the table of the store where the goodies are, when Tiger jumped on him to stop his mischief. The kid suffered bite marks on the cheek and shoulder that our neighbors decided to talk to my father on what to do with the dog who is considered a menace. But is Tiger really the true menace? Well, Tiger was given to the men who wanted him and this was the first time I saw how they brutally hit him with a stick in the head and killed him. Then he was placed in a sack and carried him inside the smaller iskinita after ours and never saw our poor dog again. I never felt more scared in my life but I didn't understand then that killing animals is bad. Though I felt that it is unacceptable but people were doing it so it's okay. Not until now that animal rights are upheld and that torturing or killing them are a law and that the culprits can be penalized through money and imprisonment. It is a good idea and the law is religiously implemented today.

Our apartment is a peaceful place I love reading my books at. The windows we had then was tall glass with side metal finish. I usually like opening the windows, feel the breeze and see the pigeons fly across the houses from where I was always standing. Like I was waiting for something and all, yet I don't know what I was waiting for. My brothers and I would sleep in our 'papag', it is a double-decker bed but made out of thick wood. Then, my parents would sleep in the bed in the next room. After school my brothers and I would play tough guys and would borrow cigarettes from our little store and sip it like we are in a movie. Haha! It was fun and we would punch each other which would always leave me crying since I am the thin girl who couldn't fight in one on one combat, why I learned to box and do taekwondo now. Hehe!