WARRIORS (MVManalo)

The 90's Favela

Cell phones have just been introduced as well as computers but the box type ones. I never owned a desktop computer anyway. The cell phone I had was a gift from a suitor and one who became my boyfriend but due to family issues and misunderstandings we didn't work out, our relationship and I left him to serve God instead. But was It a good decision or I just wanted to run away from hurt or the possibility of being hurt since I grew up in a beautiful family but my father was tagged as a womanizer. He was and I saw and felt everything that made me so scared of falling in love or committing because I didn't want to get hurt, just like when Mama experienced the pains when I was younger.

Anyway, all has been forgiven and Papa was sorry for his mistakes. When I agreed to follow Jesus to this service, I freed myself of all the jealousy, hurts and past experiences that my family or others have inflicted me, or the wrongs I did against them. Maybe I am no different because as a servant of God I am a sinner. I still can't get away from the ill feelings I have inside, those lewd desires I have when I was a young girl. I always offered those mixed emotions to Jesus but as if the more I wanted to forget or decline the temptations of my body, heart or mind, the more I wanted to delve into them and permit them to swallow me of my misery and pain, to feel that heaven, the bliss that saints feel when they unite their hearts to Jesus. The feeling of making love to Him and they said that it was the most wonderful feeling ever. Haaa...well, I have never made love to anyone since I came to my former community, twenty years ago, as if it was just like yesterday. I can still smell St. Clare's green grasses front lawn and their guard dog Pochi. Mr. Escupin was the gardener and Sister Laura was the head who became my mentor in writing, doing television shoots and interviewing religious leaders or prominent people in social media and the church. I was just 19 years old then and the memory is still vivid I still miss the grounds when we play football and travel across the country to watch games or interview or get acquainted with people of all sorts, nuns, orphans, benefactors, organizations, mostly, priests. 

Then, we meet, dine or chat with our donors and benefactors, giving catechism to their kids and or just staying there to keep them company. I love how life runs inside the community and outside of it. It wasn't perfect it is amazing. Like, it is an everyday life, yet with little sacrifices, chores and duties to do for the Lord. And I loved them, every bit of them. However, when the mistress told me that I would need to be posted here in Brazil, as if I got cold feet. Because it is new place and very odd. And watching how the sisters stare and greet me, it's like I'm in high school or starting my vows again as a sister. Haaay.....this is not what I expected my life would turn out to be. Yet, I know that this is the place that God wants me to be and the sisters that I would need to stay with, difficult or not are the gifts He has given me now to protect, guide and serve to the best of my abilities. I wonder if this Sister Paula is really that weird and bossy? Maybe I should find out by asking her for a quick chat. Then, that will be it!